Melbourne Dynamo 4-0 Newhall United

Midweek football has drawn another blank. I could have gone to Selhurst Street and taken in Radford v Clipstone in the Notts Senior Cup, but I'd already seen those two teams pit their wits against one another a few months ago. I spend the evening with blog legend Faggsy, having a couple of pints during quiz night at Six Barrels, in Hockley. I enjoy a delightful slurp of mild from the Hollow Stone stable, who brew in Old Basford at the old Shipstones Brewery.

Nothing has tickled my fancy at Broadway Cinema of late, but it's like waiting for a bus when two come along together. As I sit with my bag of Skittles and a bottle of 7 Up waiting for the start of The Brutalist (running time 210 minutes) they play a trailer for a film called September 5. It's the true story of the live coverage, by a USA broadcaster, of Israeli athletes being held hostage at the 1972 Munich Olympic Games. That film goes straight into the notebook.

I spend the next four hours in the cinema. The Brutalist is an epic. We even have a 15 minute intermission, that's been unheard of since the McVicar/Tommy double bill at the Classic cinema on Market Street circa 1979. I quench my thirst at Neon Raptor with a NEIPA and a DIPA before settling in for the evening.

Ms Moon is gripped to the sofa for the final of The Traitors, another middle-class, reality TV trash show. Our Joe, who is meant to be the brains of the outfit, is quoted on social media as saying "It's one of the best episodes I've ever seen on TV" He clearly didn't see a scene from Corrie, in 1989, when a clearly distraught and heartbroken Curly Watts was kicked into touch by Shirley Armitage in his bedsit above Alf Roberts grocer's shop. Curly cried a river of tears whilst playing 'Thieves Like Us' by New Order. It has the greatest lyric of all time: "It dies so quickly, grows so slowly, but when it dies, it dies for good, it's called LOVE." Then again, 'Our Joe' wasn't born until 1998.

We enjoy a lie-in on Saturday morning. I rustle up a West Bridgford breakfast - scrambled eggs and smoked salmon on sourdough bread, that's lightly buttered and toasted. It comes in at £4 per head, with the added bonus that there's no Tarquin, Darcy or Hugo wreaking havoc in a Bridgo breakfast haunt.

I study the betting coupon. Bottom-placed Carlisle United, away at Fleetwood Town, stares out at me. They are priced at a juicy 3/1. I noticed that their manager, Mike Williamson, is getting the band back together from his time at Gateshead. I include them in my accumulator and get the nod from my syndicate partner 'Chippy Fryer.'

There are roadworks all around Nottingham at the moment, particularly down our endz. We avoid Clifton Bridge like the plague, choosing instead to cross over Trent Bridge, before the traffic begins to build up for the Notts County versus Bromley FC game.

Wilford Lane is one the busiest roads south of the river. Some buffoon at the Council planning department decided it would be a good idea to rubber stamp having: two senior schools, two gyms, a health centre, a supermarket and numerous housing developments, all in the space of a mile or so on a single track road.

Mark Goodier is on 'flames' on Radio 2. 1984 is the chosen year for Pick of the Pops. He plays: The Smiths, 'What Difference Does it Make?' and 'Killing Moon' by Echo and the Bunnymen. At this rate old 'Gooders' will be playing a guest pre-match set for the Mighty Millers at Stoke Lane, if his good run of form continues.

We hurtle down the A453 past the huge cooling towers of the now redundant Ratcliffe on-Soar Power Station, as decommissioning of the plant begins. We're soon exiting the A50 and out into the countryside. The first port of call is the village of Ticknall, which is close to Calke Abbey, a National Trust Grade 1 country house, where 5 years ago, during COVID, enraged car drivers and angry walkers took offence to me driving up a no entry track for two miles - it was like something out of Wallace and Gromit with hikers diving for cover whilst shaking their walking sticks at a beaming Sticky Palms.

Ms Moon parks up outside St George's Church. I can already see the grey, granite stone of the grave we've come to visit. Ted Moult was a farmer who became a well known radio and TV personality in the 1960s. He was also the face of Everest Double Glazing, with the well known catchphrase "you only fit double-glazing once, so fit the best: Everest" - yep, some berk got paid a king's ransom for thinking that slogan up. In 1986, Moult, aged 60, took his own life with a single gunshot wound, having suffered from some severe bouts of depression.

Melbourne is just a short drive away. It's the birthplace of the travel agent Thomas Cook. There's free parking in the library. We were going to lunch at The Spirit Vaults, an award-winning, upmarket brewpub, located close to the village church. But Bavette steak flatbread, in roast pear, stilton and rocket, looks a tad pricey (and pretentious) at £18 a pop. We've ticked it off before anyway.

Melbourne was rated by the Sunday Times as the 15th most desirable place to live in the U.K. You can see why, as we have a pre-match amble around the streets. The Brewhouse pub and Bank of Beers micropub both catch my eye. St Michael With St Mary's Church is stunning, as is the War Memorial.

Melbourne Dynamo is a club I've been meaning to visit for many a year. Either the inclement weather or a fixture change have gotten in the way. I've been engaging with a lovely chap on their twitter socials all week. I had hoped they would play Linby Colliery Welfare in a Central Midlands League fixture - I used to work at Linby pit in the early 1980s. I'm informed on Wednesday that it is now to be a Derbyshire County Cup semi-final clash versus Newhall United, who are from down the road in Staffordshire.

The friendly twitter guy said it was free entry. I pledged a small donation as I always like to pay in. They very kindly threw in a free programme and club badge, which was a nice touch. The ground, which also provides rugby and cricket for the villagers, is perched on the summit of Robinson's Hill, which affords sweeping views of the village which nestles at the bottom of the hill.

The rugby lads are built like man mountains. They are doing their version of the Haka as we walk past the rugby game on our way to the football pitch. We stand on the opposite side to the allotments, out of the wind. The expectation of the home supporters is a routine win as the visitors play a Step below. 

There's a decent turn out of folk from the village on what is turning out to be a beautiful, sunny day - albeit with a biting wind. The football served up in the first half is not for the purist. Dynamo certainly aren't coasting, if anything it's the visitors who impress. Dynamo take the lead through a smart finish and then double their lead on 44 minutes, when ironically 30 seconds earlier Newhall had rattled the woodwork for the second time in the game.

We're straight in the modern clubhouse for a warm at the break. I had hoped the walls of the room would be adorned with pictures of a glittering past for all three sporting clubs that use it; sadly they are blank and make the room look cold. We venture out for the second half which sees the home side canter to a 4-0 victory. The programme guy is a lovely chap. He tells me that the chairman is ambitious about the club's future. Funding has already been secured for floodlights. They will need hard-standing too if they are to progress up the Pyramid structure.

Attendance: Over 75

Man of the Match: Mark Goodier

Beer of the Week: Pentrich: Such Good Heights 4.7abv Pale Ale

Song of the Week: Desperate Journalist, Unsympathetic Parts