It has proved a bridge too far for Angela Rippon on Strictly Come Dancing at the Blackpool Tower Ballroom. Ms Moon has been calling it for weeks. Let's be clear on this folks, Rippon is a one trick pony. That high-kick manoeuvre, where she lifts her leg in the air, famously shown on the Morecambe and Wise Christmas Special in 1984, isn't so pleasing on the eye these days. I've had 50p on the lass from Corrie to win it. She's bound to have been to dance school on her journey from being a young actress. 4/11 on, are the best odds I can find.
Sunday evening is like pulling teeth; and trust me my back molar is decaying by the day. 'We've' already had to suffer Four in a Bed, Undercover Boss and the 'Strictly Results.' I hear the jungle drum theme tune at bang on nine bells. That bloody awful programme with its Zzzzz-list celebrities and boring, predictable Geordie presenters, is to be aired on ITV for the next three weeks.
I'm sulking in bed whilst that wack TV show is on. I listen to the final two episodes of the brilliant BBC Sport podcast called 'Nothing Will be the Same.' As mentioned last week, it's a fly-on-the-wall, behind the scenes documentary on the last 18 months' happenings at Everton's Goodison Park.
Sean Dyche and Director of Football, Kevin Thelwell, feature heavily at the fag end of the podcast. Thelwell gives a brilliant insight into the jigsaw puzzle of how a club recruits and the pecking order that comes with this. Dyche is bloody magnificent. I love the way he drills down into how their talismanic, injury prone striker, Dominic Calvert-Lewin, keeps on breaking down. Dyche says they've even looked at the mattress he sleeps on and the car he drives, to see if this could be the root cause. There's a jaw-dropping quote from 'Big Sean' "I was at Burnley nearly 10 years and have probably got a book in me. I've been at Everton for four months and could probably write three.
It's Tuesday evening and the pain in my tooth is still dulling and aching. Talking about cry babies, Sam Dingle in Emmerdale Farm is shedding a few tears. I mention to Ms Moon that in real life the actor is from Nottingham and what's he bellyaching for. Things are great in our county: NFFC are in the Prem, U Pies are playing sexy football and the Stags remain unbeaten in League Two. Ms Moon says that Emmerdale is real life and that this scene in the soap is a very sensitive subject. She says the only person who is crying is Sticky because tonight's game between the Mighty Millers and Stockton Town has been waterlogged off.
I'm on the phone to Treeline Dental Care, in Keyworth. I can't stand the pain anymore. The lady on reception very kindly shoehorns me in for an emergency appointment. I'd feared the worst and the X-ray confirms this. At tooth hurty it's a molar extraction. After four numbing injections and 15 minutes of twisting, turning and cracking, the offending member drops onto the surgery floor. I decline an offer to keep the decay-riddled, rotten, black fang.
Whilst I'm on my old manor of Keyworth, I take a stroll up one of the village's oldest streets. It leads me to a 350 year old pub called The Salutation. One of my best friends, Paul Keeling, has recently taken over the running of the pub, with his partner Tracy. It's been shut for time but has recently had a £300,000 refurbishment. I book a table for 9th December, when my good mate 'Babs' is over from Spain.
It's Christmas haircut time on Thursday morning. I jump off the Carlton 27 bus, opposite the Fox and Grapes in Sneinton. The best barber in inner city Nottingham is located on Bath Street. The man with the scissors in his hands is from Bosnia and is called Eko. He has won more awards than Vidal Sasoon.
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Thirty minutes later a bright-eyed but less than bushy-tailed Sticky, with ears lowered, is pounding the streets of Nottingham. I wander past the embarrassing Nottingham Christmas Market, with its tacky stalls. Remember when Nottingham City Council allowed the market to open during the height of COVID restrictions, only for it to be closed down eight hours later?
I admire the wonderful old Debenhams building, on Long Row, which is now sadly derelict, before shooting up Castle Gate and back round into the city centre via Hounds Gate. I look upwards all the time at the stunning architecture that our fantastic city is so proud of.
I meet 'The Taxman' for lunch. We take a steady walk up the banks of the Trent towards the village of Wilford. We've not been to football together for ages due to us both suffering from poor health. I no longer have a car and have taken the decision to never drive again, much to the relief of the road users, particularly the Deliveroo cyclists of this shire, who to this day, even as a pedestrian, I try to knock off their bikes, given the opportunity.
I call by a Lincoln Green pub called The Brickyard on the top of Carlton Hill. There's a man sitting with his dog and another guy reading a book. A bloke walks into the bar and asks for six bottles of wine. The landlord explains that they are £15 each. My ears prick up as you can get a bottle for £7 across the road at Tesco Express. The guy hands over £90 which the barman puts in the till. He then changes his mind and asks for a refund. The money is handed back, but the guy claims that he's only been given £60. It's clearly a scam and a 20 minute stand-off ensues. To be honest I'm up for a scrap and so is the man and the dog. Thankfully the scammer does a runner once the threat of a call to rozzers is made.
It's Friday lunchtime and I'm walking down Burton Road towards Carlton Town FC. It's a crisp winter's day with crystal clear blue skies. It's the Millers' Christmas Luncheon which is being hosted by club chairman Mick Garton (my boss). The guest speaker is former Nottingham Forest 'keeper Mark Crossley.
I've been kindly invited by Jon Gilbert, a club sponsor from Gilbert Wealth Management. Coincidentally, Jon was in the same year at school as Ms Moon at Bread 'n Lard Comprehensive. 'Big Norm' is on stage at 3.30pm. The captivated audience have been on the sauce since 1pm. As well as making over 300 appearances for the Tricky Trees, Crossley was also capped 8 times for Wales.
I've heard most of the stories before, they include: the Wimbledon ghetto blaster, Barbara Clough's kettle and Big Norm playing Sunday pub football for Simon Clough's team in D***y. He mentions his debut v Liverpool in 1988 and his second game away at Newcastle. I was at the latter game. When Newcastle fans go on about being a big club, just remember that only 13,000 bothered to turn up at St James' Park that day. Mark Crossley tells a fantastic yarn. A fun-filled hour passes by in the blink of an eye.
Day falls into night and gets really messy, as we end up at Dr Who's son's pub, tucked away at the back of Sneinton Market, called the Bath Inn. Tom Baker's lad is the landlord. Amy Winehouse's Back to Black is played in full on the dukey. The group I'm in has a few Notts County fans, whose lads are in the club's academy system. It's that decision time of season when pro deals are awarded. I used to be head of recruitment at the club's academy when they were top end League One - so understand their angst at this time of year.
I feel a tad fragile as I pull back the duvet late on Saturday morning. I've ummed and ahhed on where to go to watch football today as Ms Moon is away in Brighton visiting her brother for a few days. I was thinking about watching Wayne Rooney's Birmingham City versus rock bottom Sheff Wed, but canned that idea when Tony Mac and I decided to have a 24 hour pub run next Friday and Sat in Brum.
Mr and Mrs John Harris have said they will be in attendance at Kimberley MW v Lincoln United today and it's over a year since I've seen them. I head into town and nearly get mown down by a couple of electric scooters on a zebra crossing (adds them to the hit list) before jumping on a Number 1 bus up to Ripley.
I've been recommended Olde English Chippy - known locally as 'Linda's.' I order up a 'Fish Special' that doesn't disappoint. Word up is that customers were queuing out of the door onto the street for four hours last night. One of the ladies said she received a standing ovation at the local pub at the end of her shift at 10pm.
I stand and stare in awe at one of the UK's great war memorials. As I read the names of the fallen, my spine tingles and my stomach wrenches. One of Kimberley's own, Jack Bamford, became the youngest ever recipient of the George Cross in 1953, after saving his two brothers in a house fire. He passed away last month at the age of 86 years old.
There's an emotional moment in Roots micropub when John Harris and wife Jackie present me with a packet of haslet from Birds, after a shopping trip to D***y this morning. What a lovely touch. It's freezing cold at the game. High flying Lincoln look in the mood to continue their good form. Dan Cotton gives them the lead after a catalogue of errors in the Kimbo penalty box.The match-defining moment happens after Kimbo are awarded a penalty. Aaron Coyle scuffs his kick, 'keeper Jack Steggles gets down well and makes a great save as well as blocking a rebound. It's not Coyle's day. In the second half he fizzes a shot from distance that beats Steggles all ends up, only to see it cannon off the upright.
The impressive Cotton puts the game to bed, but the visitors still have to rely on some acrobatics from ex Miller Steggles before the ref blows the final whistle. It's great to catch up with people like Danny Staley and Steve Hobster who are the heart, soul and lifeline of the club.
Attendance:
People of the Match: Jack Steggles and Mr John Harris and wife Jackie.
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