Sunday, September 5, 2021

Bath City 1-3 Dartford


Somerset is a county that has always captured my imagination. I visited the the seaside town of Weston Super Mare on a cricket tour, which was wiped out by two days' of rain. I've also stopped the night at Cheddar Gorge, in the Mendip Hills, on the way to Cornwall. Bath has been on my radar for some time now. I was sorely tempted to make a week of it with Notts CCC playing Somerset CCC in a four-day game that started on Bank Holiday weekend in Taunton - the logistics and timings didn't work out.

We wander around Colwick Country Park on Bank Holiday Monday, adjacent to Nottingham Racecourse. It's a feeble attempt to walk off a full English fry up at the superb family-run cafe, Albie's, up on Carlton Hill, a mile outside Nottingham city centre. 


Ms Moon drops me off in Sneinton Market. Most of the pubs don't open until 4 p.m. I take a stroll up Hockley. I've worked up quite a thirst that I need to quench. It's 30% off craft beer cans stored in the fridge at Six Barrels. I'm joined by my good mate Tony Mac, who is on his way home after a shift at Boots. We finish off with a Sunshine on Portobello from Vault City which comes in at £11 per bottle. You have to share or you'd end up in accident and emergency, as well as bankrupt too.

I'm in the office on Tuesday. I love the banter with the young guns who are nearly all half my age. I jump off the bus on Trent Bridge and walk a lap of the river before crossing over onto Radcliffe Road and down Trent Boulevard. Tea is spent at the Poppy and Pint, named by a local newspaper competition winner, which was picked out by ex-England Test spinner, Graeme Swan, who still lives in the area.


I enjoy another spicy burger which is washed down by a pint of Hello Traveller from Shiny Brewery, who are based in Little Eaton, just outside D***y. Destination tonight is Regatta Way, a venue I can easily reach on foot. It's £5 on the gate. Once again I'm the first supporter in the ground. Big Glenn Russell's Radford FC are in town this evening. The big lad isn't talking to me at the moment as I've forgotten to return a couple of missed calls. He's even accused me of blanking him - it's banter of course (I think?).

I'm joined by 'Dringy' who I haven't seen since a monster sesh at Neon Raptor and Jam Cafe, in Baltic conditions, early post lockdown. The Pheasants of Radford play a beautiful game but are missing their two star strikers. Euan Sweeting scores a brilliant-worked winner for West Bridgford. I'm visually impaired and standing on the far side, opposite the dugouts, so I'm unable to see if Big Glenn has frisbeed his baseball cap in a fit of pique. I feedback to him, the following day, how impressed I was with Joe Meakin and Gino Kelleher, who big things were expected of when he was a scholar at Notts County. I was once stood next to ex-QPR winger Don Givens, who had flown over from Ireland to scout Gino, when he managed Ireland's U21s.


It's Friday morning and Ms Moon is in a taxi bound for Enterprise Rent-A-Car on Daleside Road, in Colwick. Today we're off to Bath for a two night stay. My car is SORN as I can't drive at the moment and we both don't fancy the long journey in Ms Moon's Fiat 500 with the go-faster stripes. So we've hired a Vauxhall Corsa for a couple of days.

There's a major incident at Junction 9 on the M5. I'm not talking traffic jams either folks. Sticky Palms has blown a gasket after losing to Ms Moon on Ken Bruce's PopMaster music quiz. There were loads of questions on girl groups and whack USA soft rock bands - both favourite genres of the good lady. I remain on mute and tight-lipped until Junction 15 as defeat sinks in.


We stick the car in a multi-storey car park at Southgate Shopping Centre and check-in at Eight, a smart boutique townhouse hotel, nestled in the old part of the city, close to Bath Abbey. The sun burns off the clouds as we head into Bath. We stroll up to Royal Victoria Park, opened by an 11-year-old Princess Victoria in 1830. She was never to return to the city again due to a overheard disparaging remark made by a local resident about the thickness of her ankles.

The park spans over 57 acres of land. We stop by a children's adventure playground for a spot of late lunch and return to town via The Crescent where one of the 30 properties, built in 1774, is on the market for £1.2 million. 


I turn down a very kind offer from Ms Moon of watching The Chase quiz show in the hotel room - I'm still sore from my loss earlier in the day. I pound the cobbled back streets of Bath ticking off a few Good Pub Guide entries. We meet later for drinks before dining at La Perla on North Parade.

I've an action-packed Saturday morning lined-up. After another full English we jump on the hop on hop off bus that does a tour of the city. It's a waste of £34 to be honest as we spend half the time stuck in traffic. The tour guide lacks humour and could easily put a glass eye to sleep. 


It's time for the seasonal debut of Celebrity Grave Hunt. I've got a pearler set up for today. A fagged out Ms Moon slogs it up the hill in stifling heat towards Bath Abbey Cemetery. The place is unkempt and abandoned. Most of the graves are covered or hidden with overgrown grass. 'Private Godfrey' (Arnold Ridley) from Dad's Army is buried with his parents in here. Ms Moon chances upon his grave. She's smug and proud that she found it before me. I'm fuming again.

I get my own back as I make her walk just shy of 3 miles to the wonderful Twerton Park, a ground I last visited in 1987 when I witnessed 'Charlie' McParland miss three one-on-ones as Notts County drew 0-0 against Bristol Rovers. The thing I remember from that day was a landlord at a pub near the ground saying that he witnessed legendary Nottingham Evening Post sports journalist Dave McVay speed-drink four pints in half an hour. His reports in Monday's edition were a joy to read.


It's £15 to sit in the old main stand. The ground, built in 1909, is to die for. There's floodlight porn and jaw-dropping views.To my right is the terrace, open to the elements and vulnerable to wintry conditions. I love the white-painted crash barriers, rarely seen in English grounds. 

Table-topping Dartford are today's visitors. They are managed by Steve King. I came across King when I was in recruitment at Notts County. He was hawking a 16-year-old boy around the circuit called Joe Ralls, who was playing for Farnborough Town. It was at the time Sven Goran Eriksson was at Meadow Lane and the rumours were that the club (Notts) were awash with money. My boss and I watched Ralls in an FA Youth Cup game. King, dressed in a cashmere coat and pork pie hat turned up at a Pies' youth game to negotiate a deal. Ralls ended up signing for Cardiff City where he's since made over 250 appearances.


The DJ's set is tip top and includes Shed Seven and The Dandy Warhols. There is a rousing round of applause as the players take the knee for Black Lives Matter. There's a frantic start to the game with clear cut chances at both ends. The Dartford 14 jacket, Ade Azeez, is proving to be a handful and looks very comfortable at this level. He heads home a goal and sets up another for Robinson as the visitors take a two goal lead into the break.

Ms Moon returns from the kiosk with a tray of chips and some much-needed bottles of water. The Romans batter Dartford in the second half. They do everything but score as there are a string of saves and clearances off the line. Eventually they bag a well deserved goal with Alex Fletcher wriggling his way through the middle. They spurn so many chances in an exhilarating and breathtaking second half. 


The inevitable happens with 10 minutes remaining. Bath are caught on the break. A cross is turned into the back of the net by an unmarked forward. Dartford run down the clock to make it 5 wins on the bounce.

Attendance: 1137 

Man of the Match: Private Godfrey from Dad's Army.

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