CD Tenerife 0-1 Real Oviedo

It's Thursday Nov 24th and I'm holed up with Tony Mac in a live music venue called The Bodega, on Pelham Street, in Nottingham city centre. It was a well known boozer back in the day when Nottingham was a thriving, exciting drinking scene.

We're here to see Benefits, an angry, shouty, issues-based music collective, from Middlesbrough, Teesside. It's our third viewing in a calendar year. Brazil have just seen Serbia off, 2-0, in the Qatar 2022 World Cup. We have eyes-only for shaven-headed Benefits lead singer Kingsley Hall, who, I might add, has taken a week's annual leave from the factory he works at in the 'Northern Powerhouse.'

I chat, pre-gig, to NFFC diehards Johnny Haslam and Scott Smith, as I down a can of Brew By Numbers craft ale, a brewery who are based in Bermondsey, south London. The gig is jaw-dropping and not for the faint-hearted. It fully justifies the five star review in the NME gig guide. If you're right of centre, I wouldn't bother checking them out. 

Ms Moon drops me off at the Big Man's on Friday evening. I won't be seeing the good lady for 10 days as I'm on a jolly boys outing to Tenerife. The big 'un fires up the air fryer and rustles up a chip cob that can only be surpassed by Ocean's, located at the bottom of Carlton Hill.

I only have one can of beer during the England v USA game, as I like to watch a match with a sober mind. England are off colour and run off the park by an impressive USA team. Leeds Utd midfielder Tyler Adams catches my eye. He looks a steal at £20 million from RB Leipzig. The 'Dirty Ones' will double that fee when he gets a move to a bigger club.

A bleary-eyed Sticky Palms throws back the duvet at 3.45 a.m. We jump in Chopper Harris's car and head down the M42 towards Birmingham Airport. There's a comedy incident at airport security. My rucksack is rejected. I'm asked if there are any explosives in the bag. Security laugh out loud when they find the offending item, a Melton Mowbray pork pie. We're ripped off £16 for a Wetherspoons breakfast (not my choice) before boarding a Jet2 7.25 a.m. flight to Tenerife South airport.We're on the sauce by 1 pm and fold like a deck of cards before midnight.

It's boiling hot on Sunday lunchtime. We're sweating cobs as we make our way down from Los Cristianos to CD Marino's multi-purpose stadium, adjacent to KN Columbus hotel, located in Playa de las Americas. I'm treating the lads to a Tecera Division 13 league match. The visitors are League leaders Panderia Pulido, who are based in Gran Canaria. Chopper and I get stuck into a few beers as CD Marino make mincemeat (3-0) out of the opposition.

Our accommodation is basic, but at £224 a man, for nine nights, there's barely room for complaint. I'm kicked out of the room after day one, due to snoring. I spend the next 8x nights on an uncomfortable 'leather' sofa in the lounge. My sleep is disturbed by noisy revellers, drinking after hours and the incessant traffic that rattles the windows of our apartment.

Chopper and I have an impromptu daytime session, on Monday, with some friends of his, up at Skybar, in the resort of Costa Adeje, after a 4.5 mile walk in the searing heat. The main event is on Tuesday evening. The 'Big Man' has booked us in at Joyce Bar at the end of Veronicas strip where English and Welsh fans made headline news after fights broke out following Wales' defeat to Iran.

Tenerife breakfast show DJ, 'Roscoe' gets the crowd pumped up with some magnificent tunes prior to the game. England don't disappoint in the second half. We're joined by 'Dafty', his lad Jacob, Adrian and Paul. We decide to celebrate at Harry's cocktail bar, opposite the Hard Rock Cafe. We're accosted by some drunken, knobhead West Ham United fans. I've had a Monkey 47 gin, which can make me disagreeable at the best of times. Two of these clowns use a racist term which they show no shame or remorse for, when challenged by Sticky the 'Ginvalid.' I walk away and sit on my own, stewing and fuming that Neanderthals still exist.

We create sleeping-in history the following day. Nobody wakes up before 2 pm. Despite it only being a five minute walk home from The Vault, we all arrive back at the ranch separately in two hour intervals. We're all hanging as we pore over last night's events during a late lunch in Harriet's Tearooms.

Nobody is in the mood for the 100km round trip up to the island's capital, Santa Cruz, for the game between CD Tenerife and Real Oviedo, whose journey from mainland Spain will total 4,000 km. The trip is organised by ex-pat Chris Todd, who has booked two coaches for ex Brits for over 20 years now. It's a bargain 35 Euros per man. We swerve an alcoholic beverage at the stop off point and again an hour later in a supporters bar in the square, just a few hundred yards away from the Estadio Heliodoro Rodriguez Lopez.

I've got previous at this stadium; it's not something that I wish to share with Chris Todd, otherwise I might get a ban. It's my third outing and I've yet to witness a goal for the home team. The usual drill is that CDT will batter their opponents, who in turn will have only one shot that results in the winning goal.

90 minutes later, Tenerife have had 25 shots, and drawn a blank. The visitors, on a rare attack, have scored a scruffy goal, with their only shot on target. It's a long alcohol-free trip back home in the darkness. It's an early night (midnight) on the sofa for yours truly.

The rest of the holiday passes by without incident. The final night is spent on the strip at Veronicas watching Senegal getting trounced by England. The atmosphere in the bar is intimidating. A coked-up fan is bothering folk. He wears a Cockney Rejects T-shirt which is probably a clue as to who he supports.

It's Wednesday afternoon and I'm boarding a train at Nottingham station. Destination is Birmingham New Street. I'm off to see Robert Smith's The Cure, 42 years after seeing them as a three piece band at York University, with my brother Mark, who was taking a degree at the time.

I'm with music afficiando Tony Mac and Cure super fan, 'Coops.' aka 'The Tin Man' or 'The Keyworth Darren Anderton.' We drop our bags off at a plush apartment before chancing across a pub called the Craven Arms. We settle in for a while and get stuck into the 8x cask ales that are on offer.

We wander down the dimly lit canal towards Birmingham Arena. The support act are The Twilight Sad who are from Scotland. They are an excellent warm-up act who get the crowd in the mood. The Cure are magnificent during their two and three quarter hour set. Smith is not only a superb singer, but a brilliant guitarist too. He loses his voice for the final track 'Boys Don't Cry.' The excited crowd see him over the line.

I get a message from 'Dan the Carlton fan' on twitter. Do I fancy an afternoon out with the Millers fans on the sauce if the Bridlington game is frosted off. I had thought about Lincoln v Wycombe, but an afternoon with like-minded Non League lads whets my appetite more. First things first, let's chalk up some brownie points with the princess.

Friday evening is spent cheering on Croatia to victory against those big time Charlies, Brazil. I've had £2.50 each way on the Croats to win the World Cup at a generous 50/1. They are my only horse left running as the Netherlands exited the competition this evening. One result catches my eye in the Notts Senior League. Cotgrave FC enjoy a 3-0 win at the 'Theatre of 3G', in Keyworth. They'll be dancing all night in the Welfare after that result. I've pencilled in the return game, that'll be played on proper grass.

I'm dragged along on Saturday morning to a Christmas fair at the Plough at Normanton-on-the-Wolds, a pub that is managed by Ms Moon's daughter Becky. I only have eyes for the Lenton Lane Brewery stall. I settle for some mince pies and a Stewarts coffee in the central-heated bar area. After picking up some beer at Hopology on Melton Road, in West Bridgford, the good lady and I grab some lunch at Birds - I know how to spoil a girl.

I'm back up Carlton Road an hour later and soon swinging through the front door of the Partizan Tavern. Twenty odd folk have turned out for a Supporters' Christmas drink. I'm introduced to a few of them. What a friendly, cracking bunch of lads they are. The party continues at Neon Raptor before I bail out at the Fox and Grapes. Lincoln and Wycombe drew a blank btw - I can't 'arf pick 'em.

Attendance: 8,034

Man of the Match: Chopper Harris