Sunday, December 1, 2019

Heanor Town 2-4 Sporting Khalsa


The day out in Barnsley and Sheffield 'Looking For Kes' and watching football will live long in the memory. The hits on the blog were off the scale; just like the old days when folk actually used to read. I relive the day in the Lincoln Green pub, The Brickyard, on Carlton Hill, whilst the good lady puts her feet up on the sofa and watches 'Strictly.' I'm currently serving a two-week ban from watching SCD due to Sticky P re-enacting his ballroom dancing days on the lounge floor and blocking Ms Moon's view of the TV screen. For the record, I came second in the Ergo Computing Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Bonanza in 2006, under the chandeliers at the Nottingham Council House ballroom. I've got faster feet than Aston Villa's Jack Grealish.

On Sunday lunchtime I have a quiet couple of real ales in the Six Barrels Draft House, that has recently opened on Mansfield Road - it's the artist formally known as Keogh's Irish Bar. It's usually full of characters and in particular, some Irish lads, who are always good for the craic. I take a window seat and stare outside watching another day's rainfall from black-leaden skies. There will be Bob Hope of any football this week. The thought of Emmerdale Farm and I'm a Celebrity sends me into a deep depression. I cheer myself up by writing the Kes blog, and well-received it is too. Although it causes quite a stir on a Barnsley FC messageboard, as some Blades fans hijack the thread and take the rise.


Incredibly, Tuesday evening's Long Eaton United v Newark Flowserve fixture in the Midland League is confirmed as ON. Before this, though, I have to dust down my old manager's coat, that was laid to rest forever last February, after an eventful and enjoyable spell as Keyworth United Development boss. The young lads at my workplace, Ideagen PLC, on Ruddington Fields Business Park, have kindly asked if I want to 'help out' at a Business Fives works tournament at Nottingham Powerleague, down Lenton Lane, near the old John Player cigarette factory.

'Our Joe' (previously known as 'The Skipper" in these musings) is in the eight-man squad. The lads sail through the Group stages and qualify for the Champions League. It begins to unravel as they forget they're a team and the passing (or lack of it) goes to pot. The lads panic and start to do their own thing. They come up against the best 'keeper seen in this parish since Peter Shilton. It's a lad in the nets for Capital One; one of Nottingham's largest employers. 'We' rattle the woodwork and sting the lad's hands time and time again. They score two on the break and knock us out of the tournament. I trudge back to the car, despondently, with the chant of 'you're getting sacked in the morning' ringing in my ears.


On my return to work, the big boss calls me in and asks how the lads went on. I reply "sack 'em all Chris and me too." I'll chuck my manager's coat in an incinerator tomorrow and douse it in petrol before setting it on fire. The dugout isn't for me .... lol.

Blimey, I've been that busy at work and with the tournament that I've forgotten to eat. I don't fancy some soulless Hungry Horse or Charlie Chalk's pub meal, with screaming kids and flat ale. I call in at my favourite fast food joint adjacent to the Nottingham Showcase Cinema. You can't beat a Five Guys burger, readers. It's up a notch or two from dirty Maccy D's. I devour a Scooby Snack in the car before driving down University Boulevard and heading out towards Beeston and Chilwell.


Long Eaton United play at Grange Park on the outskirts of the town. Brian Clough signed striker Garry Birtles from 'The Blues' in 1976 despite saying that the half-time OXO was better than Birtles performance. The former carpet fitter repaid Clough by scoring 71 goals in over 200 appearances for NFFC. Ironically Birtles and Colin Barratt were both down Powerleague earlier today. I guess they were dishing out the prizes. It suddenly dawns on me that they both scored for NFFC v the Mighty Liverpool in the first round of the European Cup in 1978. Peter Shilton kept clean sheets in both legs.

Newark Flowserve are in town tonight. Looking at the team sheet I would say that 'The Highwaymen' have a decent budget. Former Boston United target man Gregg Smith is one of their stellar signings. He plays alongside ex Celtic and Middlesbrough striker Ben Hutchinson. Long Eaton deservedly go into a 2-0 lead as the visitors stink the place out with a sub-standard first-half performance.


I've been stood with Neil Boyd, a keen supporter of football in Notts, who knows his onions. We're both blown away with young Zak Goodson, a small boy, who has been playing wide on the left for the visitors, but who looks more dangerous down the middle, running at the huge centre-backs, who have mopped up for most of the evening. I saw Goodson last season, playing at Quorn, ironically, for Long Eaton United. He impressed me that night too. He was soon snapped up on a two-year contract by big-spending Basford Utd ( btw have a look at their twitter feed this week, it's been comedy gold for all the wrong reasons). Goodson was released at 16 years old by D***y Clownty. On this evidence, he'll play a lot higher than the Northern Premier League (he's on loan to Flowserve from Basford).

Flowserve score an equaliser in the sixth minute of injury time. It gets them out of jail, but they have to thank the naivety of a young Long Eaton side for gifting them a point, that some would say they are fortunate to get.


Due to the weather, we have three potential FA Vase ties lined-up for the weekend, as we may need some backup. Heanor and Sporting Khalsa are two of my favourite clubs due to the friendly nature of officials and supporters. Ms Moon and I saw a humdinger of an FA Cup tie, over at Khalsa, a few years ago when FC United of Manchester were the visitors. Over 2000 supporters were in attendance, with a large contingent from Manchester. Before the game, a Wolves 'firm' wearing balaclavas stormed into the ground and waded into the away supporters. Proper fisticuffs took place until a police riot van rocked up and order was restored. The game was end-to-end with FC running out 3-2 winners. We both remember the friendly welcome and homemade curry from that day.

We get the green light from my good friend Tony Squires, a Heanor official, that the game is on. I knock up scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast which is well received by the Princess. I made a schoolboy error at yesterday's Christmas Market at work. I was unable to resist a Brockleby's Melton Mowbray pork pie. I cut up a huge chunk and smother it in mustard before wolfing it down.


It's the fag end of part one of Paul Gambacinni's Pick of the Pops on Radio 2. 'Gambers' has been running down the chart from November 1977. Nottingham Forest theme tune, 'Mull of Kintyre', is this week's Number One. The mist certainly will be rolling in from the River Trent today. In fact, there's a proper pea-souper of a fog in Heanor that's causing Tony Squires some concern. 'The ref needs to crack on with this', he remarks, as he greets us.

Ms Moon dashes over to the award-winning tea bar. Oasis blasts out of the PA system as she's met by a cheery couple. Her steak pie is soaked in piping hot gravy. We love visiting the Town Ground. Everyone has a touch of class about them.


We bump into Priory Celtic legend Mr John Harris, accompanied by his wife Jackie. Both are regular characters from midweek visits in these writings. We're all wrapped up to the ninepins as the teams emerge from the dressing room. Khalsa wear T-Shirts in memory of Richard Eades a former official in the West Midlands.

The Lions of Heanor kick towards the Wilmot Street End. Khalsa, a league above Heanor, immediately stamp their authority on the game. Heanor's highly-rated forward Jamie Sleigh is well shackled by the visiting defence.


Topics of conversation between Mr and Mrs Harris, Ms Moon and Sticky Palms during the first half include: Stella, red wine, whiskey, Bounty bars (blue or red wrapper,) Starbars, slippers, Strictly, omelettes and Tony Blackburn. Meanwhile, a humdinger of a last 32 FA Vase cup tie is taking place. Khalsa take the lead on 15 minutes but can't widen the gap. A stunning volley from 'Keano' (not Roy) puts Heanor on level terms. We retire to the tea bar to catch our breath and get our blood circulating in the freezing conditions. Coffees, teas and Bovril are shouted up. Mrs Harris pulls a face like she's sucking on a lemon when she takes a sip of her Bovril.


The second half is a classic, as fog descends on the ground, making visibility towards the far end virtually impossible. Khalsa storm into a 3-1 lead, but start faffing about. Heanor chalk up another goal. We only realise when the crowd cheer and Khalsa kick off - we can't see a sausage at the other end.

The brilliant James McGrady puts the game to bed after rounding the 'keeper and rolling the ball into an empty net from an acute angle. The Heanor management are gracious in defeat. There is mutual respect from both parties. I can't arf pick em and I bloody love football.

Man and Woman of the Match: Mr and Mrs John Harris

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