Macclesfield Town 0 Notts County 4

It’s 5pm on Monday August 3rd. I’m at East Midlands Airport, sat on a First Choice airline bound for Majorca. The Groundhopper is shaking like a leaf on row 21 seat d. Across the aisle are an amused and sniggering Mrs P, Sticky junior and The Skipper.

I’m an awful passenger. I get blocked ears and suffer anxiety attacks. I’ve already perused the ‘Non League Paper’ and have moved onto the cult football magazine ‘When Saturday Comes’ as the plane taxis the runway.



I’m biting my nails. Two young whippersnappers, from Birmingham, are adjacent to me, behaving appallingly. They’re drunk, disorderly and on their way to Magaluf. An amusing anecdote on the letters page in WSC causes me to forget my woes, for a short while at least. It’s from a reader in Redcar:

‘Alan Shearer visits a hospital in which a friend of a friend works. It’s just before Christmas. It’s a children’s ward and after saying hello and handing out gifts to various sick tots one of the doctors asks if Shearer might come and say a few words to a boy who has been in a coma for several months. “We thought maybe if you talked to him it may get some sort of response,” the doctor says. Shearer duly goes to the boy’s bedside and takes his hand. “Hello son,” he says. “I don’t know if you can hear me but it’s Alan Shearer speaking.” Immediately the Geordie legend says these words the boy’s eyes pop open and his lips begin to tremble. “F-f-f-f... f**k off you big twat.” The boy’s a Sunderland fan.



I mentioned to Mrs P that I might be visiting Macclesfield’s Moss Rose ground whilst we were sharing a bottle of wine in Alcudia old town. She’s sick of the sight of me and gives me the green light to go.

‘Sticky junior (closet ‘Pie’ fan) and ‘The Skipper’ announce on Saturday morning that they want to go to watch the ‘Tricky Trees’ against WBA. I fly down The City Ground to get them some tickets. A fire engine careers into the Forest car park, with its lights flashing and sirens bellowing.. Surely they’ve got the wrong ground? They should be at Meadow Lane hosing down ‘Charlie’ McParland’s cheque book – it caught fire again yesterday when Manchester City ‘keeper Kaspar Schmeichel penned a five year deal, smashing County’s transfer record.



I say cheerio to Mrs P and the boys at just gone midday and head out to Cheshire. I drive through Gotham, onto the A453 and finally the A50. Squally showers batter the ‘Rolls Royce’ windscreen.

The excellent Mike Ingham and Darren Fletcher keep me entertained as they commentate on the Premiership curtain raiser between Chelsea and Hull City. Sticky’s favourite, Dutch international George Boateng, is having a stormer. There’s a minute’s applause, before the game, for former England manager Bobby Robson.

I heard a cracking question on Five Live earlier in the morning: Which Premiership defender scored his first Premier League goal in 1993, but had to wait for nearly fourteen years to score his second?



I drive past the JCB World Parts centre at Rocester and turn right towards Leek. The old sun-tanning shops, in this neck of the woods, have struggled for trade since Eastwood assistant manager John Ramshaw left his post at Leek Town a few seasons ago.

The drive feels lonely. Everyone has gone to watch Forest today. I miss White Van Man’s raucous laugh and The Taxman’s moaning and groaning.

The speed cameras in Staffordshire and Cheshire are phenomenal. There’s the opportunity to pick up more penalty points than Chester City.



I arrive in Macclesfield at just after 1.30pm. The ground is on the left just outside the town centre. I park the car close to the away end on a dodgy-looking street. I slip my Sat Nav into my jacket pocket.

The Notts County team bus pulls up outside the ground. There’s a posse of press and paparazzi to meet and greet Mr Eriksson. A few fans mill around, hoping to catch a glance of Sven, or even maybe an autograph or two.

I’m sat in the Alfred McAlpine Stand. I admire the view of the rolling Cheshire countryside as the PA system belts out ‘Gotta Give It Up’ by KC and the Sunshine Band.



Macclesfield is a market town in the county of Cheshire with a population of 50,000. It was once famous for its thriving silk industry. Macclesfield Town are nicknamed ‘The Silkmen.’ In 2008 Macclesfield was found to be the fifth happiest out of 273 districts in Britain, by researchers at the University of Sheffield.

An impressive crop of famous people have been born in the town including: Ian Curtis and Stephen Morris from Joy Division. I was saddened to read that a memorial stone dedicated to Curtis, who committed suicide at the age of 23, was stolen from Macclesfield Crematorium in 2008.



Also born in Macclesfield are the ex England cricket coach Peter Moores, who was living round the corner from Sticky next to the Hammer and Pincers pub in Wymeswold, three times Olympic gold medallist, the sailor Ben Ainslie, antiques expert and TV presenter, David ‘cheap as chips’ Dickenson, BBC political editor, Nick Robinson and Tottenham beanpole centre forward Peter Crouch.

It certainly is ‘as cheap as chips’ versus ‘loadsamoney’ today. Whilst Macc manager Keith Alexander has scratched around the bargain basement of non league football, hoping to pluck a rough diamond or two like Ross Draper from Hednesford or Kyle Wilson from FC United, his counterpart Ian McParland has had the luxury of bringing in quality and experience.



‘Big Keith’, of course, managed my team, Lincoln City, for a number of years. He has this uncanny knack of unearthing a few gems. Simon Yeo, Gareth McAuley and Lee Frecklington are a few that spring to mind. He almost lost his life at Sincil Bank when suffering a brain aneurysm after travelling back from watching a reserve game at Nottingham Forest. It’s great to see the big man back in business and doing well again.

The guy next to me and his wife are also from Nottingham. They have followed the Magpies for over forty years. It’s these sort of people who bring a radiant smile to The Groundhopper’s face. They are a lovely couple.

The programme at £2.50 is good value. The head to head count shows that Notts have only beaten Macclesfield twice in their last twelve attempts.



Notts kick with the wind and settle the quicker of the two sides. The pitch is perfect but narrow. Macclesfield seem content to lump the ball forward to the towering ex Lincoln striker Ben Wright. Unfortunately for the Silkmen supporters he has the turning circle of a Trent Barton bus.

County defender Graeme Lee finds Lee Hughes with a diagonal ball. His initial shot is blocked but falls to combative midfielder Ricky Ravenhill to blast a deflected shot into the back of the net past the stranded Macclesfield ‘keeper.



Pies’ midfielder, Ben Davies, has a wicked delivery. He whips in a corner which Lee heads onto the underside of the bar. County sense that they need a second goal.

Pocket rocket striker Luke Rodgers picks up the ball on the left hand flank and leaves John Rooney for dead. The cross is inch perfect, but Lee Hughes can’t find the target, and narrowly heads over the bar.

The Macc faithful are frustrated that their team can’t get on the ball. They vent their anger at referee Paul Tierney. One wag shouts out: “Have you bought the referee as well, Sven?”



As Olivia Newton John would say ‘Let’s get physical.’ – Macclesfield can look after themselves. Graeme Lee hobbles off clutching his groin. Classy midfielder Neil Bishop is the victim of a crude challenge by Silkmen’s Ross Draper. The culprit isn’t even spoken to as Macc start to put it about. A flailing elbow results in Notts’ skipper John Thompson breaking his nose, forcing him out of action for ten minutes. The County walking wounded need the half time whistle to patch up their casualties.

It’s Brucie Bonus time for the Pies on 45 minutes when Stephen Hunt heads home another Davies corner. They are good value for 2-0.

The PA announcer babbles on and on at the break. He talks over Sticky’s favourite toon – ‘Release Me’ by Agnes. I check the half times. Lincoln are drawing 0-0 at Accrington Stanley.



The Pies have a bigger reshuffle than Gordon Brown at the break. Neil Bishop has a broken rib. Ben Davies moves into the middle and Jamie Clapham replaces him on the left. Mike Edwards plays alongside Thompson, whose nose looks like it has had a night out in Nottingham.

County kill the game stone dead on 50 minutes. Davies floats a free kick into the Macclesfield box. A back pedalling Ben Wright heads into his own net with Macc ‘keeper Jon Brain punching the thin Cheshire air.

Ben Wright is withdrawn. County now try to avoid injury. Macclesfield enjoy a huge slice of the possession. They revert to Plan B and play a passing game. Rooney is instrumental in the middle of the park and links well with the Silkmen’s best player, right full back Izak Reid. Matthew Tipton spurns a chance to reduce the deficit, flashing his shot wide of the post. But Notts are always dangerous on the counterattack.



The goal of the day comes at the fag end of the game. Substitute Karl Hawley, a recent acquisition from Preston North End exchanges passes with Westcarr, who continues his run and is slid in by Hawley, to finish smartly in the bottom corner, to complete the rout.

The Groundhopper makes a sharp exit. It’s another ground ‘ticked off.’

Man of the Match: John Thompson.
Answer to quiz question: Matt Jackson.

Staveley MW 2 Retford United 0

Sticky junior has been spending a fair amount of time on the upstairs computer. Puberty is lurking around the corner. I’ve been keeping my beady eye on him and have noticed the door is firmly closed. He‘s down the skate park, so I decide to sneak in and see what he’s downloaded recently. I am appalled. You try and steer your children in the right direction. Teach them what’s right and wrong.

I shout Mrs P to come to the computer room. She’s also upset with what I’ve found. “Don’t cry love” says The Groundhopper, “I’ll deal with it.” I’ve a sick feeling rising from my stomach. I ring him up. He’s told to get his skates on and report back to HQ. How could he do this? What was he thinking? What if the Press find out or the Keyworth News?



I present the evidence to him. He goes as white as a sheet. “It’s a fair cop Dad; I’ll take it on the chin.” He’s left in no uncertain terms, that if I ever find Craig David’s Greatest Hits again on my I-Tunes library, that’ll kick him out the house for good.

Sticky junior was as happy as Larry last Saturday, on his excursion to Meadow Lane. He’d spotted Mr Eriksson climbing the stairs towards his comfy, leather seat. Junior noticed there were two spare seats directly in front of Sven’s. He quickly dived into them. Sven signed his programme and posed for a photograph, what a gentleman.



We’re winding down for our break in Majorca. This week has been a quiet one. Both cricket matches have been cancelled due to the inclement weather. Apart from a meeting at Notts County, the highlight, of course, has been the return of the light entertainment comedy programme New Tricks. Unfortunately Mrs P does not share the same passion for it. It’s not my fault I’ve got a soft spot for Amanda Redman.

It’s Thursday night 11pm we’re all fast asleep. Sticky junior is on a sleepover at Sizzers’ house. He prank phone calls me and wakes the whole house up. I’m fuming. I threaten to enrol him in the Craig David Fan Club as a Christmas present if he does it again. Karma kicks in quickly the next day when he jumps on the wrong bus in town and ends up in Ilkeston.He wasn’t amused when I asked him if he popped into the New Manor Ground.



We’ve a works do on Friday night; I like to show willing and attend these events. Sales have organised it; they must have had a profitable month. As companies go we are tight-knit. I should be in a good mood, but I’m desperately tired, as I’ve been awake since 4am. I make the effort.

The meeting point is the Fire n’ Ice bar on Bridgford Road. The Groundhopper doesn’t rate it. He fell out with Mrs P in here a few weeks ago when the good lady had too many sherbets. It’s full of fakes and pretenders.

I show my face. I’m not feeling it, but still manage to down four San Miguel in preparation for my holiday in Majorca. People drink bottles of Corona with a slice of lime hanging from the bottle. Dear oh dear oh me. I chat with Barthez before slipping away, as the going gets tough.



It’s Saturday 1st August. Frank Palmer (my dad) would have been 76 today. Maybe that is why I have been so miserable lately. I go to the cemetery to lay some flowers. I feel all the tension in my body drain away. It’s good for my soul.

Terry Damms, the Staveley MW chairman, has kindly invited White Van Man and The Groundhopper up north as his guests today. It’s a great touch. I saw his team batter Borrowash Victoria 18 months ago. Terry’s lad, Ryan, had a great game that day, but Sticky Palms fell in love with his partner Lee Gregory.

Last season Terry’s principles of investing in youth paid off with Staveley finishing a creditable 8th in the Northern Counties East League Division One. Ryan Damms top-scored with 22 League goals.



It’s been raining heavily all morning. The Groundhopper is anxious the game might be off. I phone Terry who puts my mind at rest. He says the playing surface is as good as Wembley.

Grantham Town captain Ian Screaton picks me up at 1.30pm. White Van Man is his wing man. I plonk myself on the back seat next to a loaf of Warburtons bread – it’s an emergency ration for WVM in case there’s a traffic jam on the motorway.

We’re both taking the rise out of Screats. He’s only 25 years old but has had more clubs than WVM has had hog roasts – Keyworth Utd, Notts County, Loughborough Dynamo, Arnold Town, Hednesford Town, Lincoln United, Eastwood Town, Shepshed Dynamo and Grantham Town. I tell you what readers I got tired just typing them all out.



White Van Man is on top form. He has a wedding reception at the Priest House in Castle Donington tonight. There's a hog roast on. He roaring his head off at the thought of a couple of pork cobs for his supper.

The weather is miserable on the motorway but is clearing up as we pass the old Arkwright Colliery and swing into Inkersall Road car park. Those cheeky wind-up scamsters play around with my new Dictaphone whilst I whizz around the area taking photos.

Staveley is in the borough of Chesterfield in Derbyshire and lies on the River Rother. It has a population of just under 17,000. It’s famous for its mining, foundries and chemical works. Rock and roll guitarist Chris Spedding was born in the town.



Ernie the gateman lets us in. I buy a programme for £1. It's quality. The ground is mighty impressive as is the playing surface. Redevelopment work is in place to satisfy ground grading inspectors should the situation arise that they have to apply for promotion to the Unibond level in a few years time.

I notice a Land Rover parked in the corner of the ground. It has a number plate beginning OWL. That’ll be Terry’s then, he’s a big Sheff Wed fan. Terry Damms introduces himself and invites us upstairs for a drink and a chat. It’s a Strongbow for Sticky, a Guinness for Screats and a Coke for WVM. Cheers Terry. The chairman seems in a relaxed mood and partakes in a Black Velvet. It’s a bit early for one of those son.

Terry explains his vision for the Club. He and I share the same ideas on how a club should be run. He saved this Club from the seat of its pants a few years ago and got hold of it by the scruff of the neck. They are firmly back on the map and are hopeful of a good cup run and promotion to the Premier League.



Staveley are managed by 32 year Darren Bland. It’s no coincidence that the team went on a 23 match unbeaten run shortly after his appointment.

I express concern that Sticky’s favourite Lee Gregory has been in talks with Blue Square Conference neighbours Alfreton Town. Terry is hurt that the boy might be leaving. Lee just wants to play with his mates and enjoy his football. He appears unsettled and is not in the starting line-up.

The three of us are deflated with the news coming through from Sky Sports that D***y County have equalised against Stoke City at Pride Park. Rain has wiped out any play in day three of the Test match at Edgbaston in Birmingham.

Unibond Division One champions Retford United are in town. Famous people from the area include Stoke City winger Liam Lawrence and former England batsman Derek Randall. I saw them lose to a very useful Nantwich Town eighteen months ago.



Barbadian international Neil Harvey is playing for Retford today; he was injured when I visited Cannon Park in October 2007. Macclesfield manager Keith Alexander took a punt on him last season but he was soon back on loan at the Badgers.

He looks slick and sharp in the opening stages. Smart saves by former Forest youngster Martin Kearney keep Staveley in the game. Twenty one year old full back Scott Wharton has caught our eye with his strong tackling and good positional sense.

Terry’s lad, Ryan opens the scoring with a sensational strike on 31 minutes from fully 40 yards out, catching the Retford keeper’ James Lindley napping. Staveley MW raise their game and play with confidence. Retford are relieved to hear the half-time whistle.



Terry invites us all back up to hospitality. It’s another Strongbow for Sticky and a cup of tea for WVM, which is poured from the pot and marked with 8 out of 10. Forest are beating Brum 1-0. The Groundhopper paid £46 to watch this fixture at St Andrews last season. Give me Staveley MW v Retford United anytime.

WVM has clocked the spread on the table and has positioned himself next to the chips – no-one can get near them. He has hands like a JCB shovel. He slides his sausage fingers under a tray of cheese sandwiches and demolishes in one bite a Scooby Do sized snack. If he eats anymore we’ll be fetching that loaf of Warburtons bread out the back of Screats’ car.

Terry has a smile as wide as the M1 motorway; his lad has scored a peach of a goal. He celebrates with another Black Velvet.



Staveley MW are energised in the second period; their young legs can run all day. Lee Gregory is introduced to the game and causes mayhem immediately with his direct running and turn of pace. He scores a tap in to double their lead. Retford offer very little. A disappointed Harvey is withdrawn.



The rain is incessant; we move to a covered area behind the goal. Staveley push for a third. I talk to one or two supporters. They have nothing but praise for Terry Damms. What a fantastic club. Thanks for your hospitality Terry, you are first-class. See you up at Rossington Main.

Attendance: 130
Man of the Match: Scott Wharton

Notts County 2 Nottingham Forest 1

Steven Gerrard was yesterday found not guilty of causing affray during a bar room brawl at the Lounge Inn in Southport. The jury found that Gerrard had acted in self-defence when landing a couple of swift upper cuts to the chin of company director and club DJ Marcus McGee. What, however, didn’t come out in court is the shocking musical taste that Stevie G admits to. No wonder Mr McGee wouldn’t let Gerrard take over the decks, when Stevie confesses his favourite singers are Phil Collins and Britney Spears. The judge should have hauled him back in court and put on the black cap.



Sticky junior (my eldest son) is a right practical joker. He’s always playing pranks on me like offering me fake chewing gum or leaving buckets of water on top of doors. He topped the lot last Tuesday morning though. He sent me a text at work to tell me Sven-Goran Eriksson was to be the new director of football at Notts County, a club where I am the talent identification officer for the centre of excellence. I sent a text back to him saying ‘ha ha, very funny.’

It’s Wednesday 22nd July. Sticky junior was on the money. Sven-Goran Eriksson has been appointed director of football at the oldest league club in the world. Mr Eriksson has brought in 71 year old Tord Grip as his general advisor. It is as we say at work a ‘drop my bacon sandwich’ moment. It must go down as one of the biggest coups of all time.



I don’t go down the Club that much. My remit is to find the best talent I can in the East Midlands. I spend most weekends in inner city Nottingham, Derby and Leicester trying to unearth the next Jermaine Pennant.

I love scouting for ‘The Pies.’ The previous director of football at Notts County, Howard Wilkinson, rubber-stamped the closure of the centre of excellence three years ago. It broke my heart. That year I watched over 120 games for County. I put the Club before my family. I have sulked and skulked about but have been given a second opportunity, which I intend to grab. I just hope that I can be a part of this exciting era.

It’s Saturday morning 5.30am and Sticky is up and running. Notts County U18s play Nottingham Forest later this morning – it’s an aperitif before the big one at Meadow Lane at 3pm.



‘The Skipper’ has got a tournament at Ellis Guilford School in Basford. He’s guesting for Clifton FC. It’s a busman’s holiday for The Groundhopper.Everybody wants to talk about Sven, but Sticky’s trying to get some good young uns for him. I haven’t got time for a chinwag. ‘The Skipper’ plays in an unfamiliar right hand side role. He scores a beauty.

I slip away at just before 11am and head towards my old hunting ground – the Nottingham Forest Academy.

Mr Eriksson and Mr Grip are viewing proceedings. I’ve got my kit on but decide to stand opposite the dugouts. I perch myself on top of the grass bank. To gain a birds’ eye view. I feel a total outsider amongst the preying eyes of Tricky Trees fans.



County’s youngsters have only been together for a short while. They give a good account of themselves against a more experienced Forest. ‘We’ lose 2-0 and ride our luck at times. But we are young and will learn from this. I look towards the Forest bench. They have more coaches than the National Express.

I don’t hang around. I worked here for a while but never really felt the love. I always pined for a return to ‘The Pies.’ My bosses Mick Leonard and Darren Davies have performed a miracle in the restoration of the centre of excellence. The Groundhopper will bust a gut for them and the Club.

I race home and grab a turkey and Emmental cheese sandwich. Mrs P is in a talkative mood; she’s been shopping with her mum in Loughborough.

'The Skipper’ has got through to the final in his tournament. Reports suggest that he’s settled in nicely. We leave for Meadow Lane without him.



Sticky junior is fiddling around with the CD player desperately trying to get a scratched Hip Hop CD to work. Thankfully it won’t boot up. Those robbing toe rags at County Hall are charging £4 to park the car. We sling the car in the Nottingham Forest Main Stand car park instead. No charge. Cheers you Tricky Trees.

Nottingham Forest U18s coach, the ex Scotland international Eoin Jess, is sauntering out the car park en-route to the match. His youngsters follow him as if he’s the Pied Piper.

We take a leisurely walk through Turners Quay, over the canal, ending up on Meadow Lane. The recently refurbished Trent Navigation is enjoying good times again. A sprinkling of Forest fans bask in the summer sunshine.



Mr Eriksson has brought a feel good factor to the city. It has been stimulating. Everyone is talking about it. The area is buzzing.

Sticky junior and Ben go into the ground whilst The Groundhopper has a float about, grabbing the opportunity to take a few snaps.

It’s £10 for adults and £5 for kids. Sticky junior blags a programme. I take a pew about 20 rows back in ‘B’ Block, level with the eighteen yard area. The Jimmy Sirrel Stand is a sea of red. Confident Forest fans are predicting a goal rout.

Oasis blasts out on the PA system. My phone keeps going off. White Van Man is trying to get in touch. I send him an abusive text.



Nottingham has a population of just under 300,000. It’s a city that has courted bad publicity over the last few years, with its gun crime, drug running, gang warfare and violence. Sticky Palms loves Nottingham though, with its friendly characters and their sharp wit. I wouldn’t swap it for anything.

Nottingham is famous for lace, Robin Hood, Brian Clough and Jimmy Sirrel. Famous people born in Nottingham include: the actress Samantha Morton, bare-knuckled fighter William ‘Bendigo’ Thompson, Nottingham Forest general advisor David Pleat, ice skaters Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean, snooker player Anthony Hamilton, former Chancellor of the Exchequer Kenneth Clarke and fashion designer Paul Smith. Not forgetting also the beautiful Mrs P.

It’s a big game for Magpies’ manager Ian McParland. He used to work across the river. I’d imagine he doesn’t do friendlies. He was brought up in the old school era of County legend Jimmy Sirrel. A win today will mean the world to him.

The last time I saw these two rivals play each other was in 1993 when a Richard Dryden header secured a point for ‘The Pies’ at the City Ground.



McParland and his Glaswegian counterpart Billy Davies were team-mates at Dunfermline many moons ago. The youth culture encouraged by Colin Calderwood is on hold. The Forest young guns have been farmed out on loan. The Groundhopper’s favourite, Brendan Moloney has made the short trip across the water. ‘King Billy’ has six new players in his starting line-up.

Mr Eriksson is introduced to the crowd. He stands between Mr and Mrs Magpie. The boos from the Forest supporters saddens me.

The game takes time to settle down. Forest enjoy plenty of possession but it takes until close on 30 minutes for their first opening of the game with Robert Earnshaw forcing a smart save from Russell Hoult. The Welsh international spurns two further chances before the break.

Former Red, and newly installed Pies’ captain John Thompson, is putting in a tigerish performance in the midfield. Whilst for Forest new boys McKenna and Majewski look comfortable on the ball.



I’m expecting a bit of Abba, Cardigans or Roxette at the break but the DJ continues with his laddish music. Supporters are encouraged to buy a season ticket in the next seven days. They will be entered into a prize draw, with the winner having their ticket delivered to their doorstep by Sven himself.

The introduction of Luke Rodgers for Sean Canham reignites the Magpies forward line. He leaves Joel Lynch trailing in his wake and is unfortunate to see his shot cannon off the post.

Moments later Luke Chambers catches his studs in the turf and topples over. A gleeful Rodgers seizes the opportunity carefully placing the ball in the bottom right hand corner of the net.

One becomes two on the hour. Good play between Moloney and a rejuvenated Westcarr results in a peach of a cross from the latter. The ball is expertly guided into the net by Lee Hughes. It’s only a friendly but Forest are stung. I drop WVM a text: ‘easy, easy easy’



Hughes is substituted. He receives a standing ovation and a hug from McParland. His goal was greeted like a FA Cup final winner.

A slimline, hungry-looking Lewis McGugan hits a twenty five yard rasping shot which a crestfallen Kevin Pilkington can only help into net. ‘Pick that one out’, texts a sulking WVM.

It’s all set-up for a grandstand finish. But this new look Notts County are mentally tougher than the old one and finish the stronger of the two teams.

Attendance: 12,040
Man of the Match: John Thompson.

Lincoln City 2 Arsenal X1 3

We’re driving up to the M62 on our way back from North Ferriby. We’re both still drooling over that woman special constable we saw at the ground. I’ve got the cricket on Five Live; England are caning Aussie. We pull into a garage for fuel. We rub our eyes in disbelief. There’s another woman police officer, buying a sandwich; she is drop-dead gorgeous. Memo to one’s self: send off for two application forms to join the Humberside Constabulary.

It’s Sunday and I’m nursing a hangover. We had The Nuclear Scientist and his wife around for a BBQ last night. I’ve had to hire a skip to dispose of the empties.



Notts are playing Somerset in the Pro 40 at Trent Bridge. It’s potentially Aussie overseas star David Hussey’s last game at ‘The Bridge.’ The weather forecast is poor. Sticky junior doesn’t fancy it but I manage to twist ‘The Skipper’s’ arm.

Hussey strides to the wicket with Notts once again in a spot of bother. He hits a single off his first ball and proceeds to play the next nine deliveries back. He bludgeons Somerset’s mediocre attack for a further 99 runs off 40 balls. It’s a ‘drop my bacon sandwich’ moment. The meagre crowd rises as one to applaud him off. He ends his innings on 120 not out. Legend!



The boys were away for most of last week on a school trip. Mrs P texts me at work to see if I fancy taking her out for the day. ‘How about a trip to Lincoln she enquires?’ A perfect chance for a reckie before the Arsenal game thought a mischievous Groundhopper.

First port of call was my old house on Eastbrook Road. I lived here for the first five years of my life (1964-1969). I take a photo much to the displeasure of the next door neighbours.



We park the car on Robey Street and take a hike into town, up the High Street. It’s tired, scruffy and full of take-away food establishments. There are signs though, of an Eastern European influence. There is a smattering of Polish and Baltic food outlets.

The city centre itself is delightful. There’s been development around Brayford Pool since I last came. The University of Lincoln has breathed new life in to the city. They are sponsoring Lincoln City’s away shirt this season.



We walk up towards the cathedral and stop for a drink at bar called Varsity. Mrs P has a cappuccino; Sticky Palms has half a Stella. I feel good. The Stone Roses’ ‘I Am The Resurrection’ plays on the jukebox, Sky Sports is on the big screen and I’m near the love of my life – Lincoln City Football Club (ouch!)

We’ve had the Arsenal game pencilled in for a while. ‘The Guvnor’ (a senior manager at work) is a Gooner. He’d spotted that Lincoln were to play Arsenal in a celebration of their 125th anniversary. Arsene Wenger said all along it would a mixture of reserves and youth team players that he would send. The first team are due in Austria tomorrow, for a pre-season tour.



I’m expecting an increase of readership from the south of the country, so will put in a bit of Cockney rhyming slang to make them feel at home.

‘The Guvnor’ arrives at our manor twenty minutes late. Groundhopper is pacing up and down his drive waiting. Sticky junior once again misses the team bus. I’m secretly relieved. There’s nothing worse than your own son taking the piss out of you in front of your boss. ‘The Skipper’ travels with The Nuclear Scientist and Snooksy.



It’s eighteen months since I’ve been to Sincil Bank. Something died inside me about Lincoln when I lost my father nine years ago. My trips are sad and lonely. It’s a reason why I turned to groundhopping and scouting; to ease the pain. The Imps are the first result I look for. My heart always skips a beat before finding out their score. It can make or break my Saturday night. I’ve no-one to share this passion with anymore.

We drive through Cotgrave, down the A46 and skirt round Newark. The dual carriageway between Newark and Lincoln is fast and open.

‘The Guvnor’ is giving Sticky the lowdown on ‘The Arsenal.’ He’s a placid Cockney, not ‘apple pasty’ like Dennis Wise or George our next door neighbour.



The Emirates Stadium is in Holloway, in the London Borough of Islington. It has a population of 12,000. It is the home of HMP Holloway, a women’s prison. The last woman executed in the United Kingdom, Ruth Ellis and keen racegoer Christabel Pankhurst, both had short spells there.

Notable residents that have lived in the area include: Boris Johnson, the irritating Lily Allen, Sex Pistol, John Lydon, Catatonia fan Marc Bannerman and Sticky’s favourite Bob Hoskins.

It’s an hour or so before kick-off and we’re holed up in The Pride of Lincoln. The place is buzzing. The wait for food is thirty minutes. We settle for a swift drink. ‘The Guvnor’ has an ‘Alistair Darling’ (a pint of Carling) and Sticky Palms a Coke.



We’re soon parked up, close to where my Nana lived. I’m back up the High Street for the second time in a week. ‘The Guvnor’s’ 6’ 5” frame is as hungry as a horse. He wants some ‘jockey’s whips’ (chips). The King Neptune Fish Bar obliges.

We amble up the road past Scorer Street. Bit of trivia for you here: former Gunners’ striker Lee Chapman was born in this street. A striker born on Scorer Street.

We soon slip our way into the Echo Stand. Tickets are £15 for adults and £5 for kids. It’s worth every penny. The programme is £2.50 and is superbly produced by editor John Vickers.



We join ‘The Nuclear Scientist, ‘The Skipper’ and Snooksy in the stand. The pre-match entertainment is cringe worthy. Some guy (who is he?) is trying to whip the crowd up into frenzy. But he can’t hold note and wouldn’t get a booking at the nearby Golden Cross. They’d have been far better hiring Chas and Dave on the old ‘Joanna.' That would have fired up the away support.

Lincoln are unrecognisable from the last time I saw them. N’Guessan has left for Leicester, Beevers to Colchester and the wonderfully gifted Lee Frecklington to Peterborough. I tipped Forest the wink on this boy. He will come back and haunt them for The Posh this season.



Imps’ manager Peter Jackson is putting his faith in youth. Not too many washed up journeyman have landed at Sincil Bank this summer. Their investment in the Centre of Excellence is hoping to pay dividends.

The playing surface is pristine but its narrow nature may not suit the visitors. The gulf in class is as wide as the Dartford Tunnel. Arsenal 8 jacket Jay Emmanuel-Thomas is a colossus in centre of the park. He shrugs off the labouring Butcher and Clarke with ease. His prize possession is his left peg. It doesn’t fire a stray bullet all evening. He was made captain of the u18s at the age of 16.

If Lincoln play any deeper they’ll end up sitting in the Stacey West Stand behind the goal.



Thankfully the Gunners have left their shooting boots in north London. Dutchman, Nacer Barazite, Jay Simpson and Sanchez Watt miss gilt-edged chances. They finally take the lead shortly before the break. Frenchman Sunu makes a strong, bursting run down the middle and finishes with a nonchalant chip over Lincoln ‘keeper Burch. I manage to catch the goal at pitch-side level en-route to taking a bladder-bursting ‘Skipper’ to the toilet.

The entertainment ups a notch at half-time with three young girls showing more movement than the Lincoln midfield to the dulsate tones of the Black Eyed Peas.



Liam Brady’s boys continue where they left off, although Imps’ new recruit, the former Blackburn Rovers winger Jamie Clarke is posing a few problems down the Lincoln right. He frequently shows the Arsenal full back a clean of heels, but his crossing and decision-making are poor.

Both the impressive Danny Hone and Richard Butcher have chances to restore parity.

Emmanuel-Thomas makes it 2-0 in the 71st minute, squeezing the ball home from a tight angle.



Lincoln continue to battle away. Aaron Brown reduces arrears with a free-kick that takes everyone by surprise. The mostly anonymous Chris Fagan, a recent signing from the Glenn Hoddle Soccer Academy, hits a peach of a shot to make it 2-2. The Imps go for the winner with all guns blazing.

But would you ‘Adam and Eve it’ it’s ‘The Arsenal’ who snatch a winner at the death. Luke Ayling’s far post header somehow squirming through the otherwise excellent Lincoln keeper’s hands. The goal is greeted like a FA Cup final winner by the 779 away contingent sat in the Co-op Stand.

Attendance: 4508

Man of the Match: Rob Burch, Lincoln ‘keeper.