Pontefract Collieries 2-2 Carlton Town

It's Tuesday teatime and I'm sitting in the back of DJ Murph's car with 'Cafe Catherine' and daughter Chloe. In the front is Carlton Town legendary club photographer Lou Lardi. We're on the A1 northbound, heading towards the West Yorkshire town of Pontefract. It's the birthplace of notable people such as: rugby league player, Rob Burrow and cricketers Chris Silverwood and Tim Bresnan.

Carlton Town's plight is perilous. It's too complicated to explain, suffice to say that points are required on the board. DJ Murph cheers us (me) up on the trip north by playing the album 'Grotesque' by Greater Manchester post-punk band The Fall. Mark E Smith's mural, on the side of a chip shop wall, in Prestwich, is still the finest I've ever seen.

Ponte are doing an end of season 'two for £10' offer on the gate. I have a can of Pepsi in a gloomy bar that is without windows and minus any music or vibe.  The ground is 'work in progress.' I stand close to the Carlton Town dugout. The sun goes down and a stiff breeze kicks in. 

Pontefract are handy with their elbows and are committed to the cause of gobbing off. They take the lead after a bucket load of hoof-ball and long-throws. The Millers' Niall Davie has gone down with an injury after being caught with a stray elbow. Concussion protocol is carried out by both physios. He is given the green light to carry on playing. Ten minutes later he falls to the ground. He's sparked out. Temperatures begin to plummet as Niall is covered in coats to keep him warm. A decision is taken by the referee to abandon the game.

I spend Wednesday, down at an area south of the city, called Lady Bay. Notts 2nd XI are entertaining Derbys 2nd XI in a four day cricket game. The previous two days have been washed out due to standing water on the bowler's run-up.

I sit with 'Ticknall Terry', Derek, Tony, 'Crazy Steve' and Faggsy as the visitors pile up the runs. A paper-thin Notts batting line-up have to see out 20 minutes until lunch. They end up following on after an all familiar middle-order collapse. The Derbyshire attack is strong and includes former Sri Lankan captain and fast bowler, Ranasinghe Lakmal. The highlight of the day is a trot down Trent Boulevard to Lady Bay Fish and Chip Shop for a five star lunchtime special. I bang on a Google review to continue the high scoring.

I have a hospital appointment before the close of play. Crazy Steve very kindly runs me down to the Queen's Medical Centre University Hospital. I've a season ticket at the Eye Clinic that has been renewed for three consecutive seasons. It's bad news from the doctor. I have a granular lump in my eye that requires moving. He writes 'URGENT' on my file as I'm sent off to the pharmacy for some steroid eye drops. I manage to catch the final hour's play, back at Lady Bay, where highly-rated 20 year old opener, Dane Schadendorf, racks up 50 runs in double quick time before stupidly being run out.

We're all back in the car, on Thursday, heading back up to Pontefract Collieries for the rearranged fixture. The word up is that Ponte Carlo's 'management' aren't too chuffed that the game was abandoned. Where is the duty of care and human well being? 

A few of us head into town and are pleasantly surprised about how good a spot it is. We wander past the War Memorial on our way to a Good Beer Guide entry called 'The Old Grocers. I sink a pint of Citra Pale Ale, from Nailmaker Brewing Company, a micro brewery from nearby Barnsley.

Credit to Ponte Colls as tonight is FREE entry. The Twitter feed is friendly as are a few supporters who engage with us as we wander around the ground. Sadly that welcome isn't extended to the technical area of the Colls dugout. Their cocksure, unlikeable, angry manager has a personal vendetta against Carlton. His sewer-mouth is in full flow from the off. 

A string of 'see you next Tuesdays' are aimed at Lewis Durow, Kyle Tomlin, Mikey Emery and Niall Hylton. "You're going down you cnut; put that on your CV fatty" is repeated again and again. It's only him that laughs, the rest of us laugh at him. Remember folks, it's Lancastrians that have all the comedians, wit and repartee. 

His 'leadership' sets the tone for the rest of his team, who only seem interested in haranging the official. He's irritated that Niall Hylton has given Carlton the lead and spends the rest of the half trying to get the lad sent off. They fortuitously restore parity on the stroke of half time.

I've enjoyed chatting to Sheffield FC manager Ryan Cresswell in the first half. He's a proper football bloke who has made over 200 Football League appearances. There was no abuse or ill behaviour from him at Carlton when his team were 2-0 down.

Pontefract, after a series of 'Rory Delap' throws and long punts, take the lead and look to have sealed the Millers' fate. But the football Gods look down on us. Nat Watson takes three players out with a ball down the line. Durow, who has had dog's abuse from the Ponte clown, fires a cross into the danger area, it's met by Kieran Watson who guides the ball home from close range. What a moment it is for us. Justice is done.

I'm dog tired on Friday morning as I throw off the duvet and head to the bathroom. I meet up with Tony Mac at The Avenues cafe, that's tucked away at the back of Sneinton Market. It's a bargain-buy £6.50 for a builder's breakfast.

It's the Friday Club monthly away day. Today's trip is to the city of Cambridge. It's a full platoon turnout. Coops and Limon join Mac and I on the EMT choo choo to Ely. Ackers travels from Peterborough and 'Mad Dog' from Melton Mowbray. It's a cracking day with the lads as 15 pubs are chalked off. We have a football quiz and there are high jinks too. I've little recollection of the last scoop in BeerHeadZ adjacent to Nottingham train station.

I awake from my slumber late on Saturday morning. If I'd been a Non League footballer I would have thrown a sickie. I slope down to Oceans chippy for chicken kebab meat and chips, as I've had nothing since that monster breakfast in Sneinton yesterday.

Today is possibly one of the biggest games in the Club's history. A win is a must and other results are to be relied upon. I sit in the corner of the clubhouse, with my head in my hands, nursing the biggest hangover since Lincoln beat Big Sean's Burnley in the 6th round of the FA Cup in 2017. DJ Dan is burning the building down with another first-class set. 'Boys Don't Cry' by The Cure lifts my spirits as does pre-match speaker, George Lyall, who made 116 appearances for Nottingham Forest in the 1970s.

Dunston, from County Durham, are in town. Footballer Paul Gascoigne and AC/DC lead singer Brian Johnson grew up in the area . Its winner takes all from today's game; be it play-offs or relegation. Both clubs will rely on others.

Carlton take the lead in bizarre circumstances. A goal-line clearance ricochets off a defender and ends up in the back of the onion bag. Dunston pour forward but threaten little in front of goal.

The nerves are jangling in the second 45 minutes. Dunston fluff their lines from the penalty spot and see a free kick whistle  by the upright. A Nat Watson tap-in, at the death, sees the Millers over the line. I'm so pleased to see the likes of Alan Murphy, Dan Thorpe, Joe Standen, Nigel Harlow, Jonathan Hand, Jon Hartstone, Edward Hartstone and Jason Simpkins (sorry to those I've missed), who have followed the club through thick and thin, jumping for joy.

Man of the Match: Khyle Sargent

Attendance: 246