It's caning it down with rain as I slide open the French window door, walk down the passageway and turn left onto a snicket, which leads me to the bottom of Carlton Hill. Water is cascading down the road at a fair rate of knots. The clogged up drains and sewers are unable to cope with the deluge of rain. I'm joined by Faggsy who feels the full force of spray as a car acquaplanes into standing water. There's no bus down to Stoke Lane. In hindsight an UBER would have been the more sensible option. Through gritted teeth and sheer stubbornness we make the 25 minute walk (mostly in silence) in monsoon conditions to watch Northern Premier Midlands League table toppers Carlton Town pit their wits against AFC Rushden and Diamonds.
We have ten minutes to dry out in the clubhouse prior to kick off. Another superb DJ Murph set can't lift my spirits. I might put a half-time request in for 'Why Does it Always Rain on Me?' by Travis. I watched the visitors exit the FA Cup back in August against Grimsby Borough. They were bloody awful that day. I said to some of the lads on a WhatsApp group that I'd walk naked down to Sneinton Market if 'we' don't beat these. It's just my luck that the Diamonds have invested heavily since that cup loss.
Former Portuguese Lincoln City wing wizard, Bruno Andrade, has somehow been persuaded to drop down to Step 4 level. Check his goal out for the Imps versus Everton in 2019. He's still only 32 years old, so it will be a stiff test for Sticky and Faggsy's favourite full back, Shea Thompson-Harris.
The greasy, rain-sodden playing surface plays its part in probably the best game of football I've seen this season. A massive thank you to the volunteers who gave their time up to help the club get this game on, as many fixtures have fallen by the wayside this evening.
Carlton have a winger called Lamin Manneh, who on his day is unplayable. He gets the Millers up the pitch making the midfield and a full back look like they are running through quicksand. A goal from the 'Carlton Cattermole' sees them 1-0 up at the break.
The visitors equalise as Andrade's dead balls, fast feet and trickery begin to pose problems. A brace from Davie, the second a beauty, gives the Millers breathing space, but a towering header from another Andrade set piece means a nervy, nail-biting finale. Special mention to local photographer Steve Mack who captures Niall Davie's goal celebrations as he runs towards Mum and Dad who are supporting their son on the rain-soaked sidelines.
I've four days off to look forward to and aim to put them to good use. I get my ears syringed on Thursday. The consultant says there's a lot of liquid in there - "it's probably rain water from the other night", I reply. I was going to watch Palestine 36 at Nottingham Broadway, but the show times don't align with my plans for the rest of the day. I watch a film on Amazon called 'The Phantom of the Open.' It's about a crane driver from Cumbria called Maurice Flitcroft who blags his way into the qualifying rounds of the British Open Golf tournament on four occasions - breaking the record for the worst ever scorecard. The book is one of the funniest I've read and the film has a feel good factor that puts me in a good mood.
The evening is spent in West Bridgford with close friends watching NFFC take on Sturm Graz in the Europa League. The pub we watch it in (Waterside) is on its arse. There's no cask ale on and never is, on the rare occasions I drop in. Forest make a pig's ear of it
They should have been comfortably ahead by half-time. We finish the night up around the corner at William Gunn where there is a much better beer choice and some tapas that's on the menu too.
The following day I spontaneously buy a £20 super saver return train ticket to Manchester. Obviously there's a risk attached as slow motion railways (EMR) are the operator responsible for getting passengers there. Of course we are late leaving and late arriving - I've had more refunds off these clowns than a serial gig goer at a cancelled Morrissey concert. Northern Trains, up in Manny, are having an off day. I arrive in the town of Westhoughton an hour later than expected.
Unknown to me, two very famous people are from the town, which lies close to Bolton. The actor, Robert Shaw, well known for his part as a shark hunter in the 1976 film Jaws, has a Wetherspoons named after him. Footballer, Francis Lee, was also born in the town. He eventually went on to become a successful businessman who sold toilet rolls. He's more famously remembered as being foolish enough to have a punch up with 'Dirty Leeds' Norman 'Bite Yer Legs' Hunter at the Baseball Ground in the 1970s.
I'm on the CAMRA Heritage Pub trail today. I tick off the wonderful White Lion in the town before returning to Piccadilly and then heading out to Patricroft, near Eccles, where the Queens Head awaits me. I return to Manchester and head up to the Northern Quarter and University of Manchester areas of the city where I re-visit Fell Bar and Sandbar. The EMR train arrives homes 45 minutes late ...lol.
It's Saturday and I'm on the 10.45 Norwich to Liverpool train. The destination is the steel town of Rotherham where the Chuckle Brothers and Jive Bunny are from. What can possibly go wrong? All we have to do is change at Sheffield. A ruffled and distressed train guard dashes through our carriage shouting "anyone going to Sheffield please change at Chesterfield, as this train is LATE we won't be stopping at Sheffield." As we get off at Chesterfield I say to the guard "Yes, we're late because your train crew were late getting on the train at Nottingham."
I'm with Carlton Town supporter and Birmingham City fan Dean Gripton today. There's time to visit a new Good Beer Guide entry, a micropub in Sheffield called Two and Six. The beer is fine, but not so a grumpy, negative Imps fan, who has nothing positive to say about the club. We have a swift pint as there is a UKIP march (goose step) at 1pm, with clashes expected with a counter-demonstration. I wouldn't mind hanging around to give an extreme right winger a left hook.
Things that can only happen to me part 43 occur on the next stage of our journey. We are two minutes away from Rotherham when there is an announcement on the tannoy ... "this train will NOT be stopping in Rotherham" - Jesus wept, you couldn't make this up folks.
At the New York Stadium we grab a pint of New York pale ale and have pie, wedges and mushy peas - all in it's £13 a pop and is good value. All the staff are dead friendly and it's certainly one of my favourite 'newer grounds.' The Last Post is played as we remember the fallen and injured.
The whistle is blown with Lincoln forcing a couple of early corners that are swung in with the sweet left foot of Adam Reach. The Millers (Rotherham) are dangerous on the front foot. The Imps fail to close down James who takes an extra touch before firing a low shot that strikes the inside of the post with the ball nestling in the net in the opposite corner of the goal.
It sets the tone for a lacklustre shift from Lincoln. A Rotherham corner is pinged to Martha who is lurking on the edge of the box. He blasts the ball into the roof of the net. Lincoln's only effort is a Rob Street shot that is well blocked.
I say to Deano at the break that I expect Michael Skubala to make a few changes as the Imps have been toothless in attack, particularly Freddie Draper, heavy in weight, but lightweight when in possession. He sticks by the eleven who have failed him. It's only when Street is moved to a central role that things begin to improve. By then the game is gone after further sloppy defending sees Rotherham take a 3-0 lead.
The Rotherham to Sheffield tram fails to turn up. Talk about kicking a man when he's down. We manage a quick pint in the Grade II listed Sheffield Tap before catching the 19.06 Northern Train home. I can't 'arf pick 'em.
Attendance: 8912
Man of the Match: Niall Davie (on Tuesday)
Best Record I Heard on the Radio This Week: Sleaford Mods, 'The Good Life.'
Real Ale of the Week: El Dorado, Tapped Brew Co, Sheffield Tap
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