Carlton Town 0-2 Hebburn Town

I exit the ground of the World's oldest existing football club. I'm absolutely steaming mad. Sticky Palms has witnessed a 0-0. Blankety bloody blank. Someone else is steaming, but 'Big Tom's' issue is alcohol related. The big 'un spends more time dodging traffic on the Sheffield Road, back to Dronfield station, rather than taking the sensible option of using the pavement. There's a constant honking of horns as I return the big lad to the safety of the walkway. At one point he totally disappears, only to pop up like Mr Benn on the station platform. A Codhead and a Red Imp walking hand in hand. Who'd have thought that?

Tom spends the journey home slumped in the gangway playing on his phone. I do a sweep of the platform at Nottingham station. There's neither sight or sound of him. It transpires, later, on a WhatsApp group, that the clown alighted the train at Alfreton, thinking it was Nottingham. That must be a first in train passenger history. 

It's Sunday lunchtime and I'm waltzing through the Stoke Lane gates of Carlton Town FC. Folk are gathered in the clubhouse to support the book launch of 'Angels With Dirty Faces' featuring stories from the legends Gary 'Boatsy' Clarke and Paul D. Lowe. Nottingham Forest Chairman, Nicholas Randall QC, is also in the house..

I shout up a Harvest Pale Ale from the Castle Rock stable and take my seat close to a large TV screen that is showing Man Utd v Leicester. A tall gentleman with blonde hair engages in conversation with me, as the Foxes swarm all over United. "We need United to win this one." he says. The guy concerned is Nottinghamshire County Cricket Club legend, Luke Fletcher,  - better known in this parish  as the 'Bulwell Bomber.' It's a big year for him too, as it's his benefit season. A couple of Marcus Rashford goals cheer up 'Fletch' but upset the Tory Party WhatsApp groups for the rest of the day.

Carlton Town owner, Mick Garton, does an excellent Q and A with 'Boatsy' and Paul. Gary admits that languishing in a Durham jail at 39 years old was the lowest point in his life, and a turning point too. 'Boatsy' has turned his life around full circle. He has gone from football hooligan to respected charity fundraiser. His work behind the scenes at the Millers is tireless and something he should be extremely proud of; as should the other volunteers at Carlton Town. There may not be much to cheer us up on the football field, but off it the Club is in fine fettle. I enjoy the very small part I play as a season ticket holder, 150 Club member and programme contributor. 

It's a football-free midweek; a rare one too. Tuesday teatime is spent in the Cock and Hoop and Keans Head with blog favourite Tony Mac. We finally wander up to Rock City, on Talbot Street, after a quick scoop in the Barrel Drop on Hurts Yard. We're here for Dry Cleaning and there isn't a tumble dryer in sight.

We saw the south London-based band support Sleaford Mods at Motorpoint Arena 18 months ago. They play a superb 90 minute set this evening. Lead singer, Florence Shaw, remains deadpan and po-faced during her narrative. The bass guitarist looks like former Notts County defender Brian 'Killer' Kilcline, who was a Soccer AM arm-wrestling champion.

It's Wednesday morning and I'm already on my second bus of the day; an NCT 35 to Bulwell. My dodgy eye has been bothering me. QMC Eye Casualty is packed to the rafters. I get dealt with after 2 hours of reading cult football magazine 'When Saturday Comes.' It's grim news folks, I've a buckle in my eye and will probably need another operation. That eye will never, ever win - I always remain positive. I can always audition as Gabrielle on Stars in Their Eyes.

I'm back on the train again on Thursday, this time it's to New Street station in Birmingham. I've signed up for an NHS initiative called 'Future Lives.' I get my height measured and weight taken (let's not talk about the latter). My blood pressure is fine, but even better news is that my cholesterol is bang on the money.

There's a spring in my step as I walk out of the NHS centre, exiting the Mailbox Shopping Centre. I feel like Jerry St Clair, off Phoenix Nights, when he gets the all-clear. There's a couple of CAMRA Heritage pubs I want to tick off in the Jewellery Quarter and Digbeth. The Rose Villa Tavern and The Anchor Inn are a joy to behold - the latter has a couple of dark beers from Halton Turner Brewing Company. I neck a Lenton Lane ale, later, at the Partizan Tavern, before returning home at the fag end of Ms Moon's working day.

It was sad to wake up to the news of John Motson's passing. John Murray tells an astonishing story during a Five Live tribute on Thursday evening. The radio station used to do a Saturday morning show called 'Matchday With Motty.' Apparently each week he'd make a private phone call at around midday. The  conversation would start with "Hello Alex (Ferguson) could I have today's starting line up please?"

The following day I celebrate the cholesterol test result with a greasy 'Fish Special' from Carlton crowd favourite 'Oceans Chippy.' I walk off an artery-clogging lunch with a stroll into town. I join Tony Mac in BeerHeadZ adjacent to my second home; the train station.

I've done a couple of recces in 'Tory Mansfield', so tonight is no dress rehearsal. Drinking high percentage craft ales isn't, as Tony Mac says, "a game for children." There's a warm welcome at The Garrison from the landlord, who clocks my Notts CCC hoodie. England Women have just lost by 6 runs v South Africa in the T20 World Cup.

I bump into my old boss, Chris Richards, who was Mechanical Engineer at Calverton Colliery. I haven't seen him in over 20 years. He reminds me of the time he took my father, an author, up the colliery dirt tip, one of the biggest in Europe at the time. Dad wanted to write the final scene, in one of his detective crime-thriller books, on the old pit spoil heap.

Pub of the night is in 'Tory Sutton-in-Ashfield.' It's called Firerock and we have walked bloody miles to get to it. We're packed in like sardines as a band is on. Some strong craft ales are chalked-up on the blackboard. We sup most of 'em. I meet up with another old boss from Ideagen PLC, a leading sponsor at NFFC.

I'm fine and dandy on Saturday morning. I rustle up sausages (Tesco Finest ..lol) and scrambled eggs for Ms Moon. She'll need a full stomach to drink on, as the good lady is off to hen night in Bingham. She drops me off down at the ground.

I buy the best programme in the Northern Premier League as the best DJ set at any ground in the U.K blasts out of the PA system. 'DJ Murph' is in fine form as his team Coventry City attempts to see out a 2-0 win over Sunderland on Sky TV. There's a hair-raising last few minutes, in what John Motson used to call 'mystery time' as the visitors peg a goal back. There's a huge sigh of relief and a clenched fist from 'Murph' at the final whistle.

Another great event has been arranged by volunteer Kelly Marie. Today's guest speaker is Nottingham's own IBF European Welterweight Champion Ekow 'The Engine' Essuman. He's a fascinating storyteller and holds the attention of the room, apart from a yapping dog, with some amazing anecdotes. He was recently on the Tyson Fury v Dillian White undercard and boxed in front of 91,000 spectators.

The kick off is delayed by 15 minutes, which is a good thing, as there are more stories to come from 'The Engine.' Hebburn were late arriving due to the hordes of Newcastle fans clogging up the lanes of the A1, on their way to Wembley for tomorrow's League Cup final. It's nip and tuck in the opening 45 minutes, with not much doing. 

I spend most of the half chatting to Malc Brown, father of Dan Brown, one of Sticky's favourites. Dan is only 22 years old and has a very bright future ahead of him. He has an old head on young shoulders and reads the game superbly. Malc and I while away the time discussing Hull City (his team), Lincoln City and the old Notts Alliance from back in the day. Malc's a lovely bloke and I enjoy my time with him. Hebburn take the lead when a cross isn't dealt with. It's deja vu.

Perhaps 'Murph' will cheer us up with a banging toe-tapping tune at the break. Instead he plays 'Reel Around the Fountain' by The Smiths. Morrissey's haunting, baritone voice sends the home crowd into further depression. I read his autobiography. The first 100 pages were as grim as it can be.

I spend the second half talking about anything but football, as I can't see the Millers hitting the back of the Onion Bag unless substitute Romello Nangle is unleashed from the subs, bench. Topics discussed with John, 'DJ Dan', Lewis, 'Big Joe' and Dean Gripton include: detached retinas, Forgotten 80s on Absolute Radio, best chip shops and pubs, podcasts including Gangster and When Saturday Comes and the best craft ales and real ales to be found in Nottingham. To be honest it's for the best as Hebburn seal Carlton's fate when a whipped in cross is headed home. Fair play to Millers' six jacket Khyle Sargent, who never gives up the ghost.

Attendance: 136

Man of the Match: Ekow 'The Engine' Essuman

Sheffield FC 0-0 Carlton Town

I've a spring in my step the day after the Notts Senior Cup upset in Mansfield. I whistle "We are the Millers, the mighty Millers", all the way down Listergate. It echoes around the empty buildings, in an area that was once vibrant. The blot on the landscape, an eyesore called Broad Marsh Shopping Centre, still hasn't been knocked down. Nottingham City Council's money jar is empty. The spiteful Tories made sure WE missed out on any 'levelling up' money. The Council haven't covered themselves in glory; a lot of the taxpayers money has been frittered away on disastrous investments in energy companies and propping up Nottingham Castle.

I have to say the new bus station is pretty damn smart. It's my mode of transport today. The rail lads and lasses are on strike again - good on 'em too. Up the Mick Lynch. Tony Mac and I board the National Express coach to Leicester; our second visit within four days.

Shouty, Teesside issues-based indie band, Benefits, are in town at Firebug. It'll be the fourth time we've seen them. They never, ever, disappoint. We tick off the Black Horse on Foxon Street, before heading miles out of town to check-in at a couple of craft ale bars in Stoneygate and Clarendon Park. It's an interesting walk that takes us close to the Leicester Rugby Club ground, on Welford Road, and the King Power Stadium, where there is a statue of former chairman, Khun Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha, who tragically died in a helicopter crash, close to this very spot.

It's 7 am, Saturday 4th February. Ms Moon and I are in a taxi: destination East Midlands Airport - well it's six weeks since I've been in Tenerife ..lol. The flight goes smoothly and we're all checked in by 3 p.m. CD Tenerife are at home up in Santa Cruz this evening, with CD Marino playing on Sunday lunchtime in nearby Playa de las Americas. I've given my word to Ms Moon that I won't be attending either game. 

It was so close to being a football-free holiday, but I couldn't resist joining Craig Farina and 'Dave' to watch Nottingham Forest v the 'Dirty Ones' at the Anchor Bar in Costa Adeje. After all, it is my 59th birthday. What a weekend it is too, with most of my favourite teams winning and none of them conceding a goal. I was particularly chuffed for Carlton Town, who won in Tadcaster, to end a wretched run of form.

Seven days fly by in the blink of an eye. We celebrate both our birthdays at two first-class eateries called Coeur De Filet and Restaurant Sebastian - thanks for the heads up Craig and Non League legend John Ramshaw. We're back at home for 8.30 pm on Saturday evening. It's just in time for Ms Moon to catch up with her rubbish TV schedule (Soaps) on ITV X. I'm washed out and turn in for an early night. 

It's nice to return to real ales; boy have I missed them. Sunday lunchtime is spent in the Sneinton Craft Ale Quarter. I enjoy a few scoops in the King Billy and Partizan Tavern before raiding the beer fridge at Neon Raptor for some take-outs. The Mansfield v Millers blog is well received, with over 1000 hits. It's lovely that folk still read 'em, as I've often thought of retiring this diary.

It's Monday evening and there's a bit of a set to in the Woolpack Inn between folk hero Cain Dingle and Kim Tate's fella, who is as thick as a slice of bread. They would have both been shown the door on Amos's and Mr Wilks's watch. A banning order would have been served with names added to the Pub Watch list. I give out a little yelp. "Ooh .... has Cain startled you darling? says Ms Moon, whose eyes are transfixed on the TV screen. I peer over my laptop screen, "it's better than that Love, I've just found out where Brian Clough is laid to rest.

It's Tuesday afternoon. I'm on the 2.15 p.m. train to Derby. The plan was to tick off a CAMRA pub called York Chambers in Long Eaton, have a potter around Derby and grab some tea before taking my seat in the West Stand with the bleating enemy. The mighty Lincoln City are the visitors at the 'Sheep Dip. A team I have supported for over 50 years.

The Clough resting place revelation, from last night, has turned my day on its head. It's the biggest celebrity grave I've visited since Sir Matt Busby in Southern Cemetery, Manchester. I make the short train journey to the picture postcard village of Duffield, in the Amber Valley district. I wander up the High Street before turning up Makeney Road. I climb a narrow path that leads me up into the churchyard. Brian Clough is laid to rest with his beloved wife Barbara. Today is Valentines Day. Fresh roses lay by the graveside.

I end up back in Derby with time to kill. I peg it across to the suburb of Normanton; an interesting part of the inner city. Falstaff Free House is tucked away in the back streets. I quaff a pint of pale ale before making the long trek to Pride Park.

Lincoln are unbeaten away, when I sit in the home end. It worked a treat at Barrow and Barnsley this season. I'm superstitious and keen for this trend to continue. I park my backside in the West Stand. 'The Lincoln' have brought 2,500 fans and they are making a right racket. The Imps are rapid on the counter-attack. They take the lead shortly before half-time. Sticky Palms is sat on his hands and unable to celebrate.

The DJ doesn't stick to the corporate script. There's no 'Freed From Desire' or 'Insomnia.' We're treated instead to Althea and Donna's 1978 Number One hit 'Uptown Top Ranking.' There's a gamechanger on 55 minutes when Lincoln's petulant striker, Ben House, is sent off for his second stupid tackle of the evening, after being mugged off by the impressive veteran striker David McGoldrick.

It's all hands to the pump and like the Alamo as the Rams camp inside our half. We can't quite hang on, but the defending has been heroic and resolute. We have the game's best player in Jack Diamond. He has ran 'the Sheep' ragged, turning them inside out. "Thank God he's gone off" says the bloke behind me. Remember his name; he'll be in Sunderland's first team next season. 

I'm back in Nottingham city centre on Thursday and Friday evening. I have a few scoops with Tony Mac and 'DJ Dan' in Junkyard before viewing indie band Pale Blue Eyes at The Bodega. 'Murph', Roger Wilson and the Horsburghs are all at the gig.

The following evening, I've some creeping to do, as I was AWOL for Valentines Day. Ms Moon and I enjoy a few drinks at Lillie Langtry's. We take a stroll up to Hockley and climb up the steps that lead us to Broadway Cinema. Armed with two bags of popcorn we watch a film that is up for 9x Academy awards, called Banshees of Inisherin. The film is set on a remote island on the west coast of Ireland. It's dark, bleak and not for the faint-hearted. We finish the evening up in the Fox and Grapes, in Sneinton. There's no room for a dirty kebab, that popcorn has done for both of us.

I'm out of the house by 10 am the following morning. It's my first proper away day with the 'Mighty Millers' as a gaggle of fans head towards the Derbyshire town of Dronfield, where the World's oldest existing football club, Sheffield FC, play their home games to the rear of the Coach and Horses pub.

There's another healthy turnout despite a poor run of form. First port of call is the Dronfield Arms. The beer scoreboard is tip top. I have a couple of pints of Wild Light from the Temper microbrewery, based in the town.

Our group is joined by 'Pat' a Sheffield FC stalwart. Gary Clarke gets a football card going in the bar. Pat, a Rangers fan, has to pick Celtic, much to his displeasure, as they are the only remaining team left on the card. Alan Murphy scratches off the winner. Blow me down it's Celtic. A huge roar goes up in the pub as a smiling Pat collects his winnings.

The pint of the day is Thornbridge's 'Jamestown' in the Coach and Horses.  We arrive in the ground shortly before kick off. The DJ adds to the atmosphere by playing 'Heavyweight Champion of the World' by Sheffield band 'Reverend and the Makers.

There's nothing much doing in an evenly matched contest until the Sheffield 'keeper inexplicably handles the ball miles outside of his area. With no sub 'keeper on the bench an outfield player bravely volunteers to go in the nets. Surely Carlton will take advantage. Incredibly it's Sheffield who come the closest to scoring when a 25 yard shot clatters against the crossbar.

The DJ continues his good form at half time by spinning a couple of Badly Drawn Boy tracks - I'm off to see him in a few weeks time at the Metronome in Nottingham. Carlton can't break down the hard-working 10 men of Sheffield. They lack any nous, craft or guile. The best route appears down the left hand flank which Hylton and Howes work well together. The strikers can't get on the end of a succession of crosses.

The fans are frustrated. It's two points dropped and feels like a loss. Fair play to Sheffield, they have toughed it out just like 'The Lincoln' did on Valentines in Derby. Every cloud has a silver lining. A late Chris Wood equaliser at The City Ground sees 'Boatsy' do a little jig of delight.

Man of the Match: Niall Hylton

Attendance: 354

Mansfield Town 1-1 Carlton Town (2-4 on pens)

I'm in Tory Mansfield. I repeat this through gritted teeth. Tory Mansfield. A town betrayed and decimated by the Conservatives during the 1980s and 1990s, with the closure of coal mines and the associated supply chain. Those Tories should club together and build a statue of MP Ben Bradley. He overcame a Labour majority of 5,000 to win the seat in 2017. The majority vote was over 16,000 in the 2019 General Election. For 31 consecutive years Labour's Alan Meale served as the town's MP. Add to this the 40,000 Herberts in the town who voted 'Leave' in the BREXIT referendum - almost two and a half the number who voted 'Remain.' 

I want to really dislike Mansfield as I alight an EMT at the station at 2 pm on a Tuesday afternoon. I've seen plenty of run-ins and battles with the Stags and my team, Lincoln City, over the years. They used to have this manager called David Flitcroft (brother of Blackburn Rovers' Garry Flitcroft). Not sure, out of the two of 'em, who looked in the bedroom mirror the most. 

'Flickers' was rough around the edges, a blunt, to the point, northerner. He didn't take too kindly to the track-suited Essex PE teacher(s) Cowley brothers at Lincoln City, during an epic head-to-head promotion tussle a few years ago. I remember 'Flickers' and Nicky Cowley being pulled apart at Sincil Bank at the end of a bad-tempered Auto Windscreens cup clash. 

'Flickers' proper fancied himself on the touchline. He used to dress like the man from Burtons Menswear, Often sporting a three quarter length rain mack. On this blog I used to refer to him as 'Gene Hunt' the 70s copper from the brilliant BBC police drama series 'Life on Mars.' He'd chew gum furiously and act dead hard. I still laugh out loud when I remember the Imps scoring a last ditch 93rd minute equaliser to edge us closer to the League Two title. It was even funnier that I was sat on my hands in the home singing section.

I'm not here for 'The Lincoln.' 'Cup Fever' is sweeping through the town of Carlton, east of Nottingham, where Sticky Palms and Ms Moon reside. Don't accuse me of jumping on the bandwagon. I watched them in every round of the Notts Senior Cup last season, only to miss them winning the final, due to it being played at Basford United and on 3G. Petty, I know.

I've invested in a season ticket to watch the Millers this season. Despite a poor run of form since the turn of the year, I've enjoyed every moment and made some really good friends too, who are like-minded proper Non League folk too.

I have a sweep around the train station, spotting for any lurking squadron members of the 'Stags Baby Squad' - school isn't due to finish for an hour. I head to Field Mill to buy a ticket for tonight's Notts Senior Cup semi-final. Some buffoon at the club has said there will be crowd segregation (we're expected to bring 40 fans lol). I moan about this ludicrous decision with the ticket office lady as I part with £3 to sit in 'H' Block - not to be confused with the Maze Prison in Northern Ireland where terrorists were locked up during the Troubles in the 70s.

I head up town for a mooch about. There are some lovely buildings and a stunning railway viaduct. I actually quite like the place. It has some character. I flick the 'V' sign at Ben Bradley's constituency office window, as I head up Church Street. Pathetic and childish, but I get the same buzz after a similar incident in Nottingham, a few weeks back, as I wandered past the office of Department for Work and Pensions, following an unsuccessful application for Job Seekers Allowance (beer money). At least I haven't Ms Moon here to chastise me and clip me round the earhole.

Tony Mac has said the Brown Cow pub on Ratcliffe Gate is a must-visit. Once again the real ale aficionado is spot on. There are eight cask ales available and a range of craft beers. The lad behind the bar, like most folk in Mansfield, is warm and friendly. I don't ask him if he voted BREXIT. I have a chocolate and cherry mild and an ale from Belper Brewing Company.

Darkness now descends upon the deserted streets of the town, as I head back towards the station and the Railway Inn, with the 'Carlton 40' expected to tip up anytime soon. I hoover up a homemade steak and onion pie and wash it down with an ale from the Full Mash stable from Stapleford, in Notts. 

The lads arrive in dribs and drabs. Some have driven, others are on the train. Blog favourites 'Murph' 'DJ Dan' 'Big Joe' and 'Nige' have all clocked in. We make the short walk to Field Mill and congregate in the Sandy Pate Bar - named after the legendary Stags defender who made over 400 appearances for the club in the 1960s and 1970s.

Gary 'Boatsy' Clarke, Carlton's tireless Commercial and Marketing Manager, heads upstairs with the 'Prawn Sandwich Brigade' for a bird's eye view of the proceedings, whilst we are ushered into the notorious 'H' Block. Over 500 fans are in attendance, which is to be applauded on a fresh and breezy evening.

Nigel Clough is certainly taking the game seriously, with the likes of George Maris, Ollie Clarke, Jordan Bowery and on-loan NFFC defender Riley Harbottle, first team regulars at some point, all in tonight's starting line-up. Word up is that last year's loss to Carlton didn't go down too well upstairs. There is little expectation from the travelling contingent after a poor run of form since Christmas.

The Mighty Millers play the opposition off the park in the first half. Chance after chance are created, with shots whistling wide of goal or blazed over the bar. Shortly before the break, Carlton are awarded a spot-kick. The Club's leading January goalscorer, 'keeper Mikey Emery, makes no mistake from the spot. The 'Carlton 40' go mental.

I was expecting a bit of homegrown Alvin Stardust at the break ('the Mansfield Elvis'). But there's no sign of 'My Coo Ca Choo' on the Stags DJ set list. The lads and lasses are all back in Sandy Pate's sinking a few more scoops and enjoying the moment.

The Stags come out of the traps and soon restore parity. The Millers still impress as the young Stags begin to tire. Carlton defend for their lives and throw bodies on the line. The 'Mansfield Baby Squad' have finally turned up and have congregated in 'G' Block. Some good-natured banter commences. "Take your scarves and f**k off home" is as good as they can muster from the school playground. 

The game goes straight to penalties.Mikey Emery scores another from the spot - the third penalty he has put past the same 'keeper this month (a young lad who was loaned out to Long Eaton United). All eyes are focussed on Alex Howes who needs to score the 5th penno to win the game. It hits the inside of the post and rolls into the back of the net. There are wild scenes of celebration and jubilation in 'H' Block. Grown men (and women) hug one another, some are in tears. I wipe the steam off my glasses.

The 'Baby Squad' make a hasty exit with "take your scarves and f**k off home" ringing in their ears as the Mighty Millers fans twirl their yellow and blue scarves above their heads. A Dad and two lads boot the shelter we are standing in at the train station as they pass us by. We all just laugh out of pity. Some of us neck a pint back at The Railway as the EMT is delayed by 15 minutes.

Tweet of the night is sent by 'DJ Dan.' it says "Keith Curle, Sandy Pate, Liam Lawrence, and Colin Calderwood  ... your lads took one hell of a beating." Ben Bradley, Alvin Stardust and Rebecca Adlington are soon added to the list.

Man of the Match: All 11 of them.

Attendance: 545