Derby County 1-1 Plymouth Argyle

The diary for November is full to the brim. December will be dedicated to the shop as business ramps up for the Christmas period. Midweek football is thin on the ground at this time of year. Local teams take a breather from their heavy schedules. The early rounds of the Notts Senior Cup take place. I saw Carlton Town exit the competition in the first round to an impressive Sherwood Colliery. The Millers can count themselves unlucky, but once again they failed to take their chances. Their current form is a cause for concern.

It's Thursday evening and pitch black dark. I'm wandering through The Avenues, in Sneinton Market. Neon Raptor would be my usual port of call - but not this evening. A guy called Paddy Sneath, who I know from Keyworth United, has opened a pizza restaurant called Working Man's Kitchen in the old market place. It's well known for its 'world famous' Pizza Dog, which sells well in the fan zone at The City Ground. I wolf down a pepperoni pizza that's dripping in mouth-watering hot honey - it's delicious folks. You should try his 'half price Thursdays.' 

The rest of the evening is spent in the Derek Randall Suite, at Trent Bridge Cricket Ground, listening to Clive Rice's biographer, Tim Crow, giving a talk about the amazing life of the South African all-rounder. I remember my Dad, Frank, tipping us the wink that Rice was to be sacked by Notts for joining the Kerry Packer World Series League in 1978. I caught a Barton's bus with my mate Keebo, from Keyworth to the ground, straight after school. We arrived just as Rice was packing his belongings into his car. Bless him, he still signed autographs. He was reinstated by the Club a week later, and was joined by new signing, a Kiwi called Richard Hadlee. It was the beginning of a formidable partnership and a fantastic era to be part of as a Notts supporter.

Friday is spent in the Warwickshire town of Rugby. Tony Mac and I take a stroll up to Rugby School, where outside there's a statue of William Webb-Ellis, who has been credited as the inventor of the game of rugby. I've never been to a Rugby Union game; only a Rugby League cup tie at Craven Park, in the city of Hull. We tick off five Good Pub Guide entries and a Heritage Pub in the quaint coaching town of Atherstone before returning home to Nottingham from Tamworth.

It's Saturday lunchtime and I'm hanging around the foyer inside Nottingham Railway Station, waiting for Football Manager's Head of EFL Research, Dean Gripton, who is grabbing a late breakfast in Sneinton, following a heavy night in Hockley after watching 80s indie band Spizzenergi at Rough Trade.

We make the short trip to Derby. It's a 15 minute walk to the ground. Wayne Rooney's (as they say) Plymouth's Argyle are in town. There is an immaculately observed minute's silence before the game as tomorrow is Remembrance Sunday. Rooney receives a warm welcome from the Rams' faithful, who appreciate the fine job he did under trying circumstances.

Derby take an early lead through an acrobatic overhead kick by their forward, Jerry Yates. Argyle are awful and give little to cheer up their fans who have made the 480 mile round trip. It's a miracle that their only shot on target, a deflected free kick, somehow loops over the 'keeper and nestles in the bottom of the net.

The Rams can't force a winner, and aren't particularly impressive either. It looks like a season of consolidation, which fans in the Exeter Arms, post-match, say they will settle for. Cotgrave-born midfielder, Liam Thompson, is their stand-out performer. He covers every blade of grass and has the heart the size of a bucket. He's definitely one to keep an eye on, as another youngster rolls off the DCFC Academy conveyor belt. He was signed up from Dunkirk FC. Upo's and Harby's old stomping ground.

Shiver me timbers, the railway station ain't half busy the following day, as it's matchday at The City Ground. Another inept train operating company. Cross Country Trains, can't dampen our day by cancelling trains due to a 'crew shortage,' Tony Mac and I are settled in the Black Eagle heritage pub, in Hockley, Birmingham by 3.30pm.

The city centre is a piece of cake to circumnavigate by UBER or on foot on a quiet Sunday afternoon. The Barton Arms and Old Moseley Arms are stunning pubs to tick off. Tonight we are here to see Irish post punk band Gurriers, having been caught out the wrong side of town, when they played in Nottingham, at the Dot to Dot Festival back in May. The gig is at an iconic venue called Hare and Hounds in the King's Heath area of the city. It's a sell out and the band blow the house down.

We're gigging again on Tuesday evening. I'm still exhausted after the weekend, but summon up the energy and drive to get myself to the cosy Barrel Drop micropub on Hurts Yard. Fat Dog, a boisterous post-punk band from London, are on stage at Rescue Rooms tonight - they've recently been named as one of the Artists of the Year by BBC 6Music. We know what to expect, as Mac and I saw them at The Level, part of NTU, at Dot to Dot, back in 2023. They don't disappoint. It's bedlam in the mosh pit as we view the ensuing chaos from the balcony.

I'm picked up outside Laguna curry house, in Nottingham city centre at 7.30 on Friday morning by Crazy Steve. It's a restaurant I'll be eating at in a week's time when we're booked in for the Keyworth Dream League Christmas Party.

We rendezvous at Little Al's house, in West Bridgford, where we jump into Cotgrave Trev's car. Two hours later we're on a tube from Canons Park, destination is Southfields, near to Wimbledon. We walk through Wimbledon Common before turning into Putney Vale Cemetery and Crematorium.

The lads tick off six Victoria Cross winners who are laid to rest here. I had hoped to find a memorial plaque on a tree, in memory of James Beck (Private Walker) off Dad's Army. It's like finding a needle in a haystack. We do manage to track down the final resting places of 'General Erich Von Klinkerhoffen' from the comedy series Allo Allo, Roy Plomley, host of Desert Island Discs, Greg Lake, and Howard Carter, the archaeologist, who discovered the tomb of Tutankhamun. 

There's high jinks and laughter as we tick off four heritage pubs in Wandsworth, Waterloo and Clapham Junction. We meet an England Under 18 Lacrosse player who is travelling up to Stockport to play in a game tomorrow. We pepper him with loads of questions. He's hoping to be at Nottingham Uni next year. We dine at Melissa, a Turkish restaurant in Edgware, before the drive home. Thank you Cotgrave Trev!

Ms Moon and I have lunch up on Mapperley Top on Saturday at Alora, a small plate tapas restaurant. The head chef has cooked for Gordon Ramsay and Tom Kerridge, as well as being executive head chef at World Service, in Nottingham, for five years. The Korean sticky chicken and pork belly melt in the mouth.

We have a wander around the charity shops, trying to sniff out a bargain, before the short journey up the road to Gedling Miners Welfare. It's £6 on the gate. The skies are already darkening as the players emerge from the changing rooms. Plains Road must be one of the highest points in the county. It's always advisable to wear an extra layer.

Faggsy is up here. Retford, who are tied for third spot with GMW, take an early lead with a deflected shot from outside the box which deceives the 'keeper. The Miners' Felix Hogg is shown a straight Red card for an off the ball incident shortly before half time.

A shivering Ms Moon nips across the road at half time for a coffee with her bestie, Jill. Faggsy and I chat to a couple of friendly, knowledgeable supporters from Retford in the clubhouse. Josh Thornton is like a man possessed and outstanding for Gedling in the second half. He has boundless energy and reads the game so well. Miners hang in there until the fifth minute of injury time when the visitors finally put the game to bed.

Attendance: 197 - great support from Retford

Man of the Match: Josh Thornton

Crewe Alexandra 0-1 Dagenham and Redbridge

It's been a very, quiet, peaceful week, as I catch my breath. I've lounged around in my armchair, like Jim Royle, reading, researching and listening to 6 Music. The reason for chillin' is that from this Monday coming I'm returning to full time 'work' for three months, whilst shop manager, 'Chippy Fryer' convalesces after a knee replacement operation. Midweek train journeys, cinema visits and teatime scoops are to be put on hold, for now.

I walk down to Stoke Lane, on Tuesday evening, with Notts County fan, Faggsy, as the Mighty Millers are taking on Ashington FC (the birthplace of the Charlton brothers) who make the 300 mile round trip from the north east. I've already had a sneak preview of DJ Murph's playlist. He'll be spinning some classics such as: One Hundred Years, a track from The Cure's 1982 album Pornography, and Joy Division, She's Lost Control. 

Attendances are on the up at Carlton Town. They have broken the 200 barrier on each outing this season. It's no mean feat for a club that has its challenges regarding the isolated location of the Bill Stokeld Stadium. It's set adrift from the town of Carlton itself. It sits closer to Netherfield and the charming village of Stoke Bardolph, where I have enjoyed many an after match pint at the Ferry Boat Inn after a fiercely fought game of cricket in my youth. Had the Millers been positioned on top of Carlton Hill, in the hub of the community, crowds could have easily exceeded 400. Both teams get the ball down and try to play, but neither can breach stubborn defences that are built like brick walls.

A final pass or a decent delivery at a dead ball set piece is lacking. Ollie Clark fluffs his lines when his penalty kick is saved in the dying embers of the game. I'm sad to report (fuming) a 0-0, a scoreline that always grinds my gears - it's the first one since July, when Duncan Ferguson's Inverness and Arbroath drew a blank. Ollie is still a blog legend though. It's gut-wrenching to see him upset.

There's some good news incoming from my local, the Old Volunteer, on Burton Road, The CEO of Magpie Brewery has secured the lease of the building, so there will be some better quality beers on offer, as I've never been a huge fan of Flipside beers, whose brewery tap room it once was. 'Prima Doners' is still shut down on Coronation Street. Poor old Chesney is at his wits' end. He has the family the size of the Waltons to feed, and has now been reduced to delivering pizzas on his bicycle - it's a bit of a bumpy ride on those cobbled streets too. The owner of the kebab shop, Dev Alahan, the guy who over acts and exclaims in every scene, is blowing a gasket, that due to monies lost, he may have to stop his membership at Weatherfield Golf Club - I bet he gets cross if he misses a three foot putt.

One of my favourite bands, The Cure, dominate the 6 Music airwaves on Thursday. They've released their first album in 16 years. Robert Smith is interviewed on the Huw Stephens show and they play a live set too, from the Maida Vale Studios. I was in from the off, with the band, back in late 1978, when my mate Ackers tipped me off about a double A side single they released called Killing an Arab and 10:15 Saturday Night, that he had heard on the John Peel show. I used to send off a stamped addressed envelope to a lady called Mary, who lived in Horsham, Sussex, with a £1 cheque placed inside. In return you would receive the latest Cure fanzine. Robert Smith is still married to Mary.

I meet Tony Mac in town on Thursday evening. Earlier I'd done an about-turn in the Cock and Hoop, on High Pavement, having received the grim news from a red-faced barman that no cask ales or craft beers were available until next week ..... mmm ... I smell a rat here. After a couple of drinks in Keans Head, Angel Microbrewery and Six Barrels, we head down Pelham Street and have our tickets scanned in at The Bodega.

Local goth/punk band, Bloodworm, are headlining tonight. If you like the haunting voice and music of Bauhaus or The Cure, then you'll love these. They are starting to make their mark, and have already had their new single played on 'BBC Introducing'. Add to the mix that it's Halloween, it should make for a good night.

Support band Swallowtail, with their shoegaze and post-punk melodies, begin proceedings. Bloodworm blow the stage apart with a blistering 50 minute set. DJ Murph is in the mix, at the front, as the mosh pit and crowd surfing reaches a crescendo with the final song of the set called 'Cemetery Dance.' I retire to Six Barrels, post gig, to catch up with Murph, Nige, 'Unders' and Sean, a Notts County fan and fellow lover of cricket and purveyor of real ale.

The FA Cup first round draw has caused quite a conundrum at Chez Palms. Dean and I put a date in the diary to view one of the ties with a 3 pm kick off. We were looking for a game where higher opposition might be turned over. Dean fancied Tamworth. This was declined due to rule 1a, paragraph 3 -"Sticky doesn't do 3G unless the Millers are playing or he's in Tenerife. I fancied Oldham could beat Tranmere at Prenton Park. We were kindly offered a lift to Birkenhead by Rovers fan and local Non League photographer, Steve Mack. But we fancied a full day out in a town where we could have a walk around and chalk a few pubs off. Crewe Alexandra v Dagenham and Redbridge fits the bill and meets the criteria.

Ms Moon was meant to be away this weekend, hence a full itinerary on Saturday. Her trip has been cancelled, but she has very kindly rubber stamped my pass. Dean is already on the Newark Castle to Crewe train at 9,30 - of course it's bloody late - East Midlands Trains, as buffoonery goes, are right up there and a leading light of comedy gold along with: Carlton Tesco, Ryanair and the Conservative Party.

I'm flicking through the football fixtures when I suddenly yelp. Stoke City are playing 'The Sheep' in a 12.30pm kick off. The train is rammed from Derby onwards as we cross the 'cattle grid.' Some of the Rams are rum 'uns. One lad has a full bottle of vodka - I wince at the thought. A couple of Swedish groundhoppers are near to us. They took in Notts County v Alfreton last night. Today they are squeezing in games at Stoke and Port Vale before an overnight stay in Chesterfield. They have a thirst for knowledge of the English League scene.

I've lined up brunch at Spedalis, a gourmet cafe, a ten minute walk away from the train station. Dean tucks into a local delicacy called the Oatcake; a savoury pancake. The food is worthy of a five star google review.

Crewe is a railway town in Cheshire with a population of over 70,000. Notable people from the town include: cricketer John Morris and ex Blackpool, QPR and now head coach at Hearts, Neil Critchley. The town looks tired and in need of some love. Five years of 'Conservative Crewe' and a massive BREXIT leave vote has seen little in return. You can hear a pin drop on a high street with more To Let signs than shops open.

It's got a few good pubs though. The Borough Arms and Hops, a Belgian bar, are worth the long hike across the other side of town. The landlord of The Borough is from my manor (Carlton) whilst the proprietor of Hops, who is immaculately dressed, says with immense pride that his cosy bar has been running for over 17 years.

We take our seats in the main stand as the players file out of the tunnel to the music of Dario G's 'Carnaval de Paris' the theme to France 1998 World Cup. It's a popular chant worldwide with football supporters. The dark horses of the Conference National, Dagenham and Redbridge, rock up in 13th place. They make a very bright opening, with everything going through on loan Junior Morias, who has made little impact at Notts County. He's targeted by the Railwaymen for some rough treatment.

It's 0-0 at the break. Crewe up the tempo in the second half. Daggers defend heroically. Totally against the run of play the ball is launched down the Crewe end, where a defender is caught napping and beaten for pace. Crewe's keeper comes careering out of his goal and upends the attacker. The resulting penalty is dispatched with aplomb, much to the delight of the travelling Daggers army, as they smash and grab their way into the second round draw.

Attendance: 3,123

Men of the Match: Daggers' Backline

Credit Steve McKeown Sport Photography

Carlton Town 2-1 Heaton Stannington

We've had a super afternoon out at Denaby Main FC, up near Doncaster. It really is one of the great grounds that's enriched by its warm community and investment in youth. We sail down the A1 and A614. There's no time for a real ale at the Old Volunteer. As Ms Moon switches on the TV for the latest gossip on 'Strictly' - let's face it there's been plenty - Sticky Palms leaps into action in the kitchen. I listen to a few indie tunes as I prepare Korean fried chicken, in a gooey sauce. It gets a thumbs up from Ms Moon. It's Paul Merson's footwork that fails to impress the judges on 'Strictly.' 

I fly out of the shop on Monday evening and jump on a 58 bus into town. I don't usually partake in any alcohol prior to a game - even less so on a Monday evening. I grab a little cheeseburger from Five Guys on Long Row and then make the half an hour walk to The City Ground through the Meadows inner city area of Nottingham, where many great footballers grew up.

By 6.30 pm I'm hanging around on the embankment, by the river, at the rear of the Trent End. It's another 30 minutes before the turnstiles open - God knows why they were faffing around so much. I'm a guest of Jonny's, who is with Sonya and their boys Aidan and Elliot.I've plenty of sweets from the shop to keep us fuelled.

I love watching the warm ups - you can learn a lot. There's a shooting drill at the 'keeper which involves the Brazilian shot stopper Carlos Miguel blazing a succession of efforts wide of the target. I'd be interested to see how good the gangly 6' 8" netminder is with his feet when he finally gets his chance.

The Tricky Trees aren't happy with the Premier League following some controversial decisions this season. The Big 'Un (Marinakis) is banished from the stadium for five games after an unsavoury incident in the tunnel where some phlegm ended up on the floor, close to the officials feet, following a 1-0 reverse to Fulham. Manager, Nuno Espirito Santo, has a three match touchline ban and fans' favourite, Morgan Gibbs White, is serving the second game of a two match ban.

A winless Crystal Palace arrive in Nottingham short on confidence and goals. They match NFFC in the first 45 minutes. They are particularly strong in the middle of the park where ex Ram, Will Hughes, (heckled all game) and Eze shine like a beacon. Jonny says at the break that one goal will win this. It comes from in form New Zealand striker Chris Wood, whose effort is helped into the net by Dean Henderson, who is slow to react. It strengthens the case that 'Hendo' is suspect to daisy cutters from distance. Forest are excellent from then on, although Palace do force a couple of great saves from the Belgian, Matz Sels.

I'm down at Carlton Town's Stoke Lane ground on Tuesday evening. It's been a wretched, emotional and sad week for all connected with the Millers. It was announced last Saturday afternoon, prior to the game at AFC Emley, that Club President, Roger Smith had passed away. Roger had held the role for over 20 years and was very popular with the staff, players and supporters at this great Club. Thank you for everything you have done Roger. We all come together, prior to the game, to remember Roger. It's a touching and moving moment.

I'm always pessimistic when a few big game players are missing. Lamin Manneh and Nat Watson are absent this evening. It's 1-1 at the break and has been an excellent advert for Step 4 football. The second half is scrappy and disjointed. A late goal breaks our hearts. Let's see if they have the character to bounce back on Saturday after a miserable week on and off the pitch.

Wednesday afternoon is spent with my backside firmly planted in Seat 9. on Row C. in Screen 4. at Broadway Cinema. The Count of Monte Cristo is a three hour epic. It's about the captain of a ship who is framed for treason. After escaping from prison, 14 years later, he seeks vengeance on the three people who fitted him up. It's a great film, if you get the chance, and yep, there's subtitles - French innit.

Ms Moon kicks off on Wednesday evening when news emerges that 'The Farm' and Corrie have been taken off air and replaced with a women's international football fixture between England and Germany. I inform her that the Germans are 2-0 up after 10 minutes - "I don't give a flying f**k" she replies. Ooh ... touchy.

It's early on Thursday morning and I'm enjoying a full English breakfast at the Hungry Pumpkin with my sparring partner, Tony Mac. Two hours later we are alighting an Avanti West Coast train at Coventry station. Back in 2021 Cov was U.K City of Culture. You can tell the landscape has had a spruce up as we leave the station and head up to the city centre.

Coventry lies on the River Sherbourne and is the tenth largest city in England. Notable people born there include: Lady Godiva, author Lee Child, golfer Laura Davies, sprinter Marlon Devonish, ex Sky Blues manager Bobby Gould, Terry Hall, singer Hazel O'Connor (got to love 'Will You') and finally Carlton Town legend Alan Murphy, who I can categorically state has never mentioned that Coventry City won the FA Cup in 1987 - they nicked Lincoln City's finest ever defender, Trevor Peake. 

I've a couple of CAMRA heritage pubs to tick off. The Old Windmill is on historical Spon Street. As well as the medieval buildings, which somehow survived the bombardment of the German Luftwaffe in the Second World War, there is some impressive street art too.

We stand in awe looking at the spire of the cathedral and the ruins. The area is mobbed with tourists. We chance upon the plaque where Coventry City FC's Highfield Road ground once stood, in Signet Square. I remember one encounter, when on an away day with NFFC back in 1986. Forest lost 1-0. Despite this, the natives were restless. The area around the ground wasn't particularly inviting. We got ambushed by 50 or so of their finest. I broke Roger Bannister's sub four minute mile in a sprint back to the station. Even Marlon Devonish wouldn't have caught me up.

When I think of Cov, The Specials and The Selector immediately spring to mind. We wander up to the 2 Tone Museum and take a trip down memory lane. We finish off in a few more of the fantastic pubs listed in the Good Beer Guide.

I arrive home to find Ms Moon in floods of tears. I look at the TV screen to see a distressed Chesney off Corrie being told by a health inspector, from Weatherfield Council, that there had been several breaches of hygiene whilst that buffoon Kirk was left in charge, for a short while, at Prima Doner kebab shop, and that they were going to issue a closure notice. The Herbert was chopping tomatoes up without wearing protective gloves. There's going to be no 'bab meat and chilli sauce for Schmeichel the Great Dane for a while.

I'm back down Carlton Town on Saturday afternoon. The clouds part and the sun peeps through as I show my season ticket at the gate. I get gassing to 'Dorking Paul' before joining 'Casually Dan' and Nige for a beer and music catch up. We're joined by Max Bailey from Emma's Ground Guide blog.

Nottingham Forest midfielder Elliot Anderson is at today's game as his brother plays for the Newcastle-based team. The visitors knock the ball about and look organised, but find themselves 1-0 down at the break. Casually Dan plays a Northern Soul set at half time as the crowd catches up on the latest scores.

Cream always rises to the top. Ollie Clark breaks through on goal, he steadies himself before firing the ball home. The visitors deservedly pull one back, but despite intense pressure they can't force home an equaliser.

Man of the Match: Ollie Clark

Attendance: 215

Rest in Peace, Roger Smith x

Denaby Main 1-1 South Elmsall United Services

It's Tuesday lunchtime and I'm on duty at Nottinghamshire's number one paper shop. It's a wee bit quiet as it has been caning it down with rain. One of the regulars comes through the door, at first, I thought, to shelter from the inclement weather. The lady rummages around in her handbag. She opens her purse and hands over a couple of lottery tickets without saying a word. The first is a Lucky Dip winner, the second comes up with a message on the terminal which says 'please ring the National Lottery hotline.'

I relay this instruction to the customer as my heart starts to beat ten to the dozen. I check the winning numbers from the previous draw, that was held on Saturday evening. The customer's ticket matches five out of six numbers that were drawn. The number that doesn't match on her ticket is 12. What makes it worse is that it's 11 that has come out. How unlucky is that? £1,700 isn't a bad return for a £2 stake. The lady leaves the shop smiling like a Cheshire cat.

I lock up the shop at closing time and head down Front Street towards one of Lincoln Green's flagship pubs, Robin Hood and Little John. I enjoy a couple of pints of real ale with 'Red Dog Roly.' He's just returned from a groundhopping trip to Cork City, in Ireland. He's off to Italy this weekend to tick a few more grounds off. I spend Tuesday evening following the Mighty Millers on the excellent Bradford Park Avenue twitter feed. It appears as if Carlton Town are under the cosh. They travel back from West Yorkshire with a hard-earned point.

Thursday is the beginning of three days off. I scan the listings at Broadway Cinema, in Hockley, Nottingham, where for a £35 annual membership I receive up to 50% discount. I clock a French 1960 crime thriller called Purple Noon, starring international sex symbol Alain Delon, who recently passed away at the age of 88. Two hours running time passes in the blink of an eye.

I wander through the city centre towards one of Castle Rock's finest hostelries, the VAT and Fiddle, which also doubles up as a music venue. There appears to have been a fallout between the 'Beer Gestapo' (CAMRA) and Nottingham's largest brewer, as the Newshouse is the only city centre CR entry in the recently published CAMRA guide.

I chew over the fat with Crazy Steve for an hour or so. The busiest man in the world (Steve) has recently returned from a city break in Krakow. We move on for some tea at the Trent Bridge Inn, adjacent to the home of Notts CCC. The reason for being in this area of West Bridgford is that it's the opening night of the Notts Cricket Lovers' Society.

I handover £15 to the secretary as we enter the Long Room - this covers off seven guest speaker evenings to be held over the winter months. The first half an hour is a talk by one of the club's historians, Steve Lemottee, about Notts' County Championship winning side of 1929, which included the legendary fast bowlers Harold Larwood and Bill Voce - it would be another 52 years before Notts were to win another title.

Former Derbyshire, Durham and Notts batsman John 'Animal' Morris is the main speaker. His stories are so interesting and amusing. He was playing in the infamous Warwickshire v Durham game, held at Edgbaston, back in 1994, when Brian Lara scored 501 runs. Morris, coincidentally, scored a double century in the same game and bowled the ball to Lara that saw him pass 500.He's best known for flying in a Tiger Moth plane with David Gower during an Ashes tour game in Australia. Following the incident, he was never to represent his country again.

I breakfast at YOLK on Friday morning. I adore their woodland mushrooms and poached eggs on sourdough bread, that's toasted - bloody hell I sound like Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. Today's jaunt is because I've further unfinished business in Sheffield.

The train journey is only an hour. I've six pubs on my radar. I begin at Head of Steam and end at an independent brewhouse called Perch, who have a selection of ales on the bar from Dead Parrot. In between I mooch around the city centre admiring the street art and landmarks. I phone ahead of arrival back at HQ to see if Ms Moon fancies a dirty kebab from the Carlton Fryer. I get the green light. There's way too much to eat. Thank the Lord we only indulge every now again.

We enjoy a lie-in on Saturday morning. I'm under pressure tonight, in the kitchen as ,I've promised I'll attempt to cook Korean fried chicken. I pop into Tesco to buy some ingredients. I return with my sanity still intact.

Ms Moon has some wheels that have come with her new job. It means we can tick off a few grounds that are awkward to get to, with no train station or a limited bus service. Mark Goodier is on the Pick of the Pops show on Radio 2 - jeez, this guy could put a glass eye to sleep. At least 'Gambo' and Steve Wright had some funny anecdotes to accompany the retro sounds from days gone by.

There's a CAMRA Heritage Pub that Ms Moon has kindly agreed to drive to, that's only a few miles away from the ground where we'll be watching a game today. The Coach and Horses, at Barnburgh, is a belter. It was built in the 1930s and has hardly been altered since. I down a pint from the Don Valley Brewery before we head out to Dearne Valley Leisure Centre so I can take a snap of the old colliery winding wheel.

Ms Moon fancies a Maccies. As we queue for the junk food, events take a turn for the worse when the Radio McDonald's DJ plays Rewind by Craig David. We park outside the Denaby and Cadeby Miners Welfare Club. We squeeze through the red-painted turnstile as the players emerge from the changing rooms to the Match of the Day theme tune.

I fall in love with the ground immediately. It has the village church as a backdrop and has two covered stands on both sides of the ground. It is fully railed with hard-standing around the perimeter. Opposite the dugouts is a very smart, modern clubhouse.

The visitors, from up the road at South Elmsall, look slick from the off and begin the game well. A smart finish early doors puts them one to the good. We're stood near the visitors' bench, and surrounded by their supporters. They hurl a torrent of abuse at the man in black as a free-kick is awarded to Main. To our delight a looping header ends up in the back of the onion bag. The guy standing adjacent to us serves up a series of foul-mouthed volleys aimed at the official - "balded-head see you next Tuesday" and "you mong" are among many. The thicko is unperturbed that he's surrounded by impressionable young children. Had I been on my own, I'd have had it out with the Herbert.

'Thicko' and his entourage have moved across to the other side of the ground, as the players enter the field of play to the Northern Soul classic "Do I Love You?" by Frank Wilson. Things go from bad to worse for the visitors. There's a straight Red followed by a second Yellow card that reduces them to 9 players. I can see 'Our Man' on the far side gesticulating in another fit of pique. The comments coming from South Elmsall's bench are vile and disgusting. The more abuse that is hurled at the official the less decisions go their way - that's how dim they are.

Denaby Main don't react to the change in circumstances. Tactically they fall short, failing to take advantage of having an extra two men. The remaining nine players, despite their ill discipline, battle and work hard when concentrating on the game. There's a comedy moment when their 'keeper kisses his girlfriend whilst retrieving the ball. They deserve their point; it'll feel like a win. God help them though when the referee's match report lands on the desk of the Sheffield and Hallamshire FA on Monday morning,

Wombwell Main FC 1-1 Dodworth MWFC

I'm on the 18.36 Cleethorpes to Nottingham train with Dean Gripton. Donny have well and truly dusted the Mariners 3-0. Dean is full of cold, and has nodded off. We pull into Lincoln station where hoards of rowdy Imps fans pile into our carriage. I ask one of them how 'The Lincoln' have played. They have beaten Leyton Orient 2-1. It's a proud moment for the club as the goals have been scored by Freddie Draper and Jovon Makama, both 20 year old former youth team players.

The Lincoln fans are beer-fuelled and not particularly friendly. One is pretty wound up that I've been to Grimsby's game as a neutral, rather than watch the Imps, who I've followed for over 50 years. I explain I'm not into shelling out cash for gold memberships to secure tickets and that I'll wait until their form dips and support drops off. He says Grimsby and Cleethorpes are shitholes. "Where are you from, mate?" "Newark", he replies. "Oh." His mate brags of the pubs he's been banned from in Newark. The sewer-mouthed 'Lincoln fans' alight at Newark, leaving relieved passengers to a peaceful final leg of the journey.

It's Tuesday morning and I'm tidying up the magazines at the paper shop. The front page headline on What's On TV is 'Tragedy for the Dingles' - I tip Ms Moon off on 'The Farm' TV spoiler. I say that the Dingles are all invited to Sam's for Christmas dinner and that the buffoon undercooks the turkey, so they all end up with food poisoning - Ms Moon tells me to shut up and grow up. There's a lovely moment later in the day when I inform a surprised elderly lady customer that she has won £92 on a Lucky Dip lottery ticket.

Faggsy picks me up outside the Nags Head at the bottom of Carlton Hill. It's been hosing it down with rain all day. We're ten minutes away from West Bridgford's Regatta Way ground when a text alert goes off on my phone. The message is from their manager Russ Cousins, "sorry mate, game OFF"

We drive over Clifton Bridge. Our last roll of the dice is Clifton All Whites. If any pitch can survive this deluge, it's theirs. The good sign is that the floodlights are shining brightly. A bald-headed fella, soaked to the skin, is packing away some training balls. The legend that is James 'Tosh' Turner confirms the game is on.

We stand/sit in the only covered part of the ground. Big Glenn takes the piss out of me for the first 45 minutes. On the pitch All Whites look in fine fettle. They are cruising at 2-0 up until they concede a sloppy goal on the stroke of half-time, to managerless Dunkirk, who have gone through two gaffers already this season as 'Fawaz' pulls the trigger. 

Clifton look to have it sealed at 3-1, but they have looked ill at ease with the direct tactics of the opposition. Failure to deal with the long (hoof) ball sees the 'Dunkirk Spirit' grab a deserved 3-3 draw. Callum Orange is particularly impressive with his tireless running down the channels.

Not many folk travel to Grimsby twice in five days. I'm back on the train, and on my way up to North East Lincolnshire. I've some unfinished business in the town, and the neighbouring seaside resort of Cleethorpes. As I wander out of the station, The Yarborough Hotel comes into view. This 'Spoons hotel was purpose built in the mid 19th Century for the railway industry. It's the first day of the 'Spoons Beer Festival Week. Despite not being a massive fan of their owner, I take advantage of a £1.79 mango pale ale whilst charging up my phone, with a full day of google map navigation about to burn my battery. A miserable pensioner, sat behind me with his mate, remarks, "bloody skinflint ,using the pub electricity."

I'm keen to keep out of the pub(s), seeking instead to see what Grimsby has to offer. 69.9% of the district's folk voted to Leave the EU in 2017 - even more astonishing is that in the 2019 General Election a Conservative MP was elected to represent Great Grimsby. Looking at the buildings in disrepair, endless 'To Let' signs and deserted streets, those voters have reaped little reward. It's a town that's been forgotten and let down.

I stride out of the centre towards Grimsby Docks. Tesco Extra comes in handy for a pee stop. The size of the store has certainly had an impact on the demise of the town's high street. I wander over a bridge, which underneath lies the River Freshney, which flows into the Humber Estuary. Adjacent to Sainsbury's supermarket, on Alexandra Dock, is the Grimsby Fishing Heritage Museum, which was funded to the tune of £1.5 million by the European Union in 1991. I walk past the Port of Grimsby Port Offices which is plastered with 'To Let' signs. There's an impressive statue of Prince Albert across the road. 

I chance upon a blue plaque on Grimsby Road, at the birthplace of songwriter Rod Temperton. He penned the songs: Thriller by Michael Jackson, Give Me The Night, by George Benson and James Ingram's US number 1 hit, Baby, Come to Me. I pop into a few boozers in Cleethorpes that are Good Pub Guide entries. A chippy tea is spent at the wonderful Oceans - thanks for the nod, Danny.

I've walked ten miles by now and I'm feeling it in my legs. It's another 4 miles to Grimsby Borough's ground at the Bradley Football Development Centre. I call for a cab. As I stroll into the clubhouse I clock Malc Brown, Dad of fans' favourite Dan Brown, and Stuart, owner of Non League top dog Joey, known affectionately to Carlton Town fans as 'Barton.' More Carlton supporters trickle into the bar including: 'Chief Wiggum', 'Herr Harlow', Danny Bhoy, Jonny Hand and his lad Aidan, 'Clubshop Ken', Pete, Dylan, Adam and Dean.

I broke down in tears at home the previous evening. Ms Moon tried to console me. The Farm was put on pause as we broke into a new box of Kleenex tissues. She didn't understand they were tears of joy, elation and celebration with the social media announcement of the return to Stoke Lane (on loan) of blog legend Ollie Clark ('The Carlton Cattermole') - Ollie can put a tackle in and ain't shy in offering his thoughts on the standard of officiating to the referee or assistants. He's bulked up and playing further up the field too. He's heavily involved in the early exchanges which sees the Millers take the lead through the in-form Lamin Manneh.

I notice Borough make an early substitution. A bald-headed fellow comes on to replace the right back. It's Bradley Wood, once of Lincoln City. In 2018 he was banned from football by the FA for six years, for spot betting offences, having been deliberately booked on at least two occasions so he and his friends could benefit from placing bets with various bookmakers. Lamin taunts him and teases him, inviting the tackle. 

The lads see out the second half superbly. They cope admirably with a string of substitutions as injuries and fatigue take their toll. The boys that come on run themselves into the ground and do no harm to their chances of starting on Saturday. The battle-hardened back four and 'keeper are commanding and resolute. It's a happy car journey home. Thanks for the lift Alan - good choice of radio station too.

I have to face the music on Thursday morning. I've cheated on my Bosnian barber, Mr Eko, by having a previous trim at The Cutfather on Upper Parliament Street. I cough up and ask for forgiveness. I give a generous tip. In return I get a nice head massage and neck rub - and no, he didn't try to strangle me.

It's a quiet Friday evening. I meet Ms Moon for a couple of scoops in 'Spoons up on Carlton Hill. Their ''Beer Festival' is in full flow. I try a real ale from Japan that is quaffable. I follow it up with a can of Blue Monkey craft ale - I should have known better, the can is two months out of date. I rustle up a curried fish pie for supper which goes down well with the judges.

I'm washing the breakfast pots as the Big Man pulls up ten minutes shy of 11 o'clock. It's back oop North again; South Yorkshire to be precise. The Big 'Un is feeling fresh as a daisy after a few days in the Reef last month. He's back over there in November and for Christmas too, the jammy so and so.

The M1 is playing up. It's 12.30 by the time we pull up outside Tunstall Cross Fisheries - which has the Matt Limon seal of approval. I immediately unsettle the owner of 20 years when I enquire whether the chips are cooked in beef dripping. "It would upset the vegetarians pal" says the man behind the fryer.

We pay our respects at the local cemetery to 'Busby Babe'. Mark Jones, who tragically passed at the age of 24 years old in 'The Munich Air Disaster' of 1958, and the cricketer Roy Kilner, who died of a fever having returned from India where he was playing and coaching back in 1928. It is said that 100,000 people lined the streets to pay their respects as his funeral cortege passed by. Kilner scored 1000 runs in a season 10x times and took 100 wickets in a season 5x times. He completed the double on 4x occasions.

We rock up at the ground five minutes before kick off. I take a photo of Terry (Main's manager) who is a legend in these parts. Dodworth look the better side in the first 45 minutes and deserve their half-time lead following a blunder by the 'keeper. It's a well kept ground with some lovely touches. It's raised on one side behind the dugouts with orange and black painted rails. We stand the opposite side, out of the fresh breeze.

Wombwell Main improve in the second half. The equaliser is a beautifully crafted move. They push for a winner with the 14 jacket missing a sitter with injury time approaching.

Men of the Match: Mark Jones and Roy Kilner.

Rest in Peace x

Attendance: 160