Birmingham City 2 Nottingham Forest 0

The Groundhopper is once again not flavour of the month. The long-suffering Mrs P is not too chuffed that I’m whisking away Sticky junior to Birmingham City on St Valentine’s Day. I hide my card in the bedroom and find my Valentine’s on the kitchen table. She has wrote in hers “looking forward to the meal you are going to cook tonight!” I have written in mine: “looking forward to the Marks and Spencer’s ‘Meal Deal’ that you’ve bought for tonight”: great minds think alike. I’d bought some flowers the previous evening.

I had offered Mrs P a romantic day out: she could have gone to the Bulling Shopping Centre, whilst we attended the match; sadly, she declined the invitation. I tried readers, but it looks like romance is dead, for the time being.



The Ribbon Maker picks us up at just gone midday. There’s no sign of The Accountant, apparently his central heating has gone kaput.

The Flying Pickets track, Only You, is on Radio Nottingham. The headline news is that six lives have been lost in a late-night car accident on the A614, close to the old coal mining village of Bilsthorpe, in north Notts.

We drive down the M42 and onto the A45. Sticky junior is in the back with Josh; he’s excited. It’s his first big away game since Joe Kinnear’s Forest beat Sheff Utd 2-1 a few years back. The Ribbon Maker has never seen Forest secure a League win away from home in twenty attempts. He did break his duck though in the FA Cup win at The City of Manchester Stadium a few weeks ago.



The Ribbon Maker twiddles with the radio tuner; we listen briefly to Beacon Radio and BRMB. Burslem pub singer Robbie Williams is singing She’s the One. I suddenly feel ill and open the window and feel a rush of cold air circulating in the car.

We drive through Solihull and pick up signs for Sparkhill and Bordesley Green. I used to come here years ago with an old girlfriend’s dad. He was a Blues’ supporter and always took me to a pub in Bordesley Green for a pre-match pint. I think it was called The Cock. It’s probably closed down by now. It was the sort of pub where you wiped your feet on the way out.



Twenty years ago I stood on the terraces of St Andrews and witnessed a Gary ‘Bing’ Crosby winner in the FA Cup 5th round. Some say Crosby only got in the side because he used to do Cloughie’s plumbing and gardening, but he showed Julian Dicks a clean pair of heels that day.

We’re soon parked up in a secure car park only five minutes walk from the ground: it’s a fiver well spent.

Birmingham is England’s second city. It has a population of over one million. It was a leading force in the Industrial Revolution. It was often known as the ‘city of a thousand trades.’ It suffered heavy bomb damage during the war and had to be redeveloped. The skyline is filled with a sprawling mass of high rise flats.



Heavy rock has played a major part in the city. Black Sabbath, Judas Priest and Led Zeppelin are among many bands to have sprung up in Birmingham. Other well known bands include: The Beat, UB40, Electric Light Orchestra, Duran Duran, Dexys Midnight Runners and Musical Youth.

Birmingham is twinned with the cities of: Chicago, Frankfurt, Johannesburg, Leipzig, Lyon and Milan. Famous Brummies include: Enoch Powell, Tony Hancock, Jasper Carrott, Martin Shaw, Gabriel Abonglahor and Spit the Dog. Famous TV shows from the 70s: Tiswas and Crossroads were filmed at Central Studios (ATV) in the city.

The kids convince me to go to McDonalds. There’s a massive queue and it’s mobbed with football supporters. The vibe is good though.



We head up to the ground, passing an old factory that is up for grabs and a deserted Woolworths store. There’ll be no pick n’ mix for the boys today. I decide to stretch my legs and peg my around the back streets looking for a few photo opportunities. One or two people spill out onto the streets from pub doorways but apart from that it’s a remarkably eyrie atmosphere. It doesn’t feel like a matchday. We do walk past a mosque though.

We finally enter the ground, making our way past a posse of police; it’s an unnecessary and exaggerated presence.

Birmingham City were formed by a group of cricketers back in 1875 and were known as Small Heath Alliance. The German Luftwaffe scored 20 direct hits on St Andrews in The Second World War: that’s more efforts on target than Marcus Bent has managed all season, any season coming to think of it.



In 1956 they became the first English league club to play in Europe, drawing 0-0 at Inter Milan. They have in recent seasons, like Forest, become a yo-yo club. Players to have turned out for both clubs include: Kenny Burns, Archie Gemmill, Trevor Francis, Steve Wigley and Stern John.

It’s £30 admission (cough), I’ve sneaked Sticky in as an under 12. The programme is £3 and first class, as is the view from our seats high up in the stand.

The DJ plays a series of songs connected with blue. One of these is contender for the most annoying song heard this season; it’s the nauseating Italian Eurodance outfit, Eiffel 65 and their 1998 hit, Blue. This is followed up by Status Quo and ELO’s Mr Blue Sky; it’s overcast by the way. He finally gets the crowd going with Feel It by The Tamperer featuring Maya. Sticky says he’s going to download it when he gets home. “What’s she gonna look like with a chimney on her?” is a line from that song. What on earth is that all about?



Let battle commence. The Forest faithful are in great voice and are rewarded with a good opening spell of attacking football by the Tricky Trees down the left hand flank. Tyson leaves Sebastian Larsson trailing in his wake, he bores down on Maik Taylor’s goal and lets fly, but unfortunately it takes a bobble just before contact and he skies his shot high into the stands.

Moments later Larsson is AWOL again as Tyson rampages his way down the wing, he hits a ball across the face of goal with Cohen and Garner only inches away. Larsson is having a nightmare, I bet Sandy Richardson from Crossroads is quicker in his wheelchair than the Swede is this afternoon

The Forest fans are in full flow and refer to the recent re-arrest of chief executive Karren Brady: “she’s going down, Brady’s going down.”



Kevin Phillips pulls up with a knee injury and is replaced by £3 million ex-Bluebird, Cameron Jerome. Both him and centre back Martin Taylor are built like Gladiators.

The Blues look short on confidence and are playing the ball long. They’ve only won twice in their last ten attempts. Bad boy Bowyer scuffs a shot wide. The game is awful and the pitch doesn’t help. Millions of pounds have been wasted and frittered away on journeymen at the expense of undersoil heating. It’s only fit for growing potatoes.

Birmingham have a good spell of pressure before the break. Liam Ridgewell forces a save from Smith with young Joe Heath clearing up the spillage. Bent hits the crossbar from a corner. And minutes before the break Larsson forces another good save from Paul Smith. The writing appears to be on the wall.



It’s déjà vu in the second half. Luke Chambers heads wide from a corner and also sees Maik Taylor make a meal of a 22 yard drive, with the ever-alert Tyson lurking close by.

But the warning signs are there for all to see. Ridgwell has already headed over from close range, when Bent opens the scoring on the hour. Murphy arrows in a cross from the left, which is turned in by Bent, a player more famed for going out with page three girls than scoring goals. He’s struck three times in thirty appearances this season; that’s goals not girls. Amazingly he’s fetched £10 million in transfer fees during his career. No wonder it’s thirty quid to get in today.

Forest are hanging on the ropes. Poor old Moloney has been marking two all day and makes way for McLeary, whilst another baffling display from Joe Garner sees him replaced by Adam Newbold.



Jerome and Bent’s strength are beginning to pose problems for the Forest defence as they begin to buckle. Wilson and Morgan are hacking, slicing and panicking. Luke Chambers’s distribution is below par.

Irishman Keith Fahey put the game to bed for the Blues on 74 minutes with a cross cum shot from the left, taking everyone by surprise, including Paul Smith.

McGugan and Perch are still battling away against their more experienced counterparts, Lee Bowyer and Lee Carsley and can come away from the game with a little credit.



City are on song now, which is more than can be said for the home support. Only 17,000 have dared show their faces, choosing instead to watch re-runs of Crossroads on UK Gold. I’ve heard more noise made in Birmingham Central Library. “Shall we sing a song for you?”

The police have now graced us with their presence and are treated to a couple of ditties by the fans. “It’s just like watching The Bill” and the Laurel and Hardy theme tune raise a rare smile from The Groundhopper, although Sticky junior is loving all the singing and swearing (don’t tell Mrs P).

Tyson completes a miserable day, missing a golden opportunity when put through on goal.

The final whistle goes and 2-0 is not a true reflection of the game. Birmingham are better than that, and so they should be with the depth of their squad. It really should have been a St Valentine’s Day Massacre.

Man of the Match: The Away Support.

Nottingham Forest 2 Queen's Park Rangers 2

I was 45 years old last Thursday. Mrs P and I had planned to have lunch in town and then pop down PC World and buy a cheap laptop, but unfortunately the heavy snow put paid to all that.

Despite creeping closer to the ripe old age of 50, some D***y County supporters have told me to grow up on their fans’ forum after I posted the BLOG on their board from the FA Cup tie the other night. They also called me a tit and advised me to continue writing the newsletter for the local Caravan Club. God knows what would have happened had they lost the game.



It’s Saturday morning and I’m looking forward to watching QPR grace The City Ground this afternoon. I saw them play on New Year’s Day a few seasons back at Notts County’s Meadow Lane. The game was a thrilling 3-3 draw. I remember Pies’ winger Simon Baldry running rings round Argentinean full back Gino Padula.

One of the first fanzines I used to read was called A Kick Up The R’s; it used to be one of the best. I even subscribed to it for a while. I remember some guy called Dave Thomas used to write a lot of thought-provoking articles. I wonder if it’s still going?

I went to Loftus Road about 20 years ago. Forest won 2-1. Unfortunately, I forgot to put the oil cap back on properly on my Vauxhall Cavalier SRI. She overheated at Rickmansworth Railway Station. It was an expensive day out. Happy days though.



‘The Skipper’s’ football team are all meeting up outside the ‘world renowned’ (dog hole) the Trent Bridge Inn. I drive down to ‘The Ribbon Maker’s.’ We jump in his 4x4and park close to Nottinghamshire County Cricket Club on Bridgford Rd.

We pop into The Groundhopper’s favourite shop, the Co-op, to buy some drinks and sweets for the kids, as I hate being ripped off at the ground.

We leave ‘The Skipper’ with his pals, as I’ve a ticket for a different area of the ground. I collect my ticket and take a steady stroll. I walk past a guy selling t-shirts, badges and scarves. The waft of fried onions hangs in the cold air. The banks of the River Trent are covered in snow. I walk past the Boat Club and Britannia Club. I saw some great bands play there in the early eighties.



It’s Kids For A Quid and the place is rammed. I’m in the Upper Brian Clough again, close to the away fans.

The teams are warming up and I’m looking for someone in particular. He’s got long straggly hair. When he played for my team, Lincoln City, he always wore his shirt out of his shorts and his socks rolled down to his ankles. He cost us £25,000 from Preston North End. He is the best winger ever to have played at Sincil Bank. From the wing he scored 37 goals in 83 appearances. Lincoln fans used to call him ‘Wild Thing.’ I wrote to Forest over 10 years ago tipping them off about him. He signed for Port Vale for £500,000 and later signed for Wimbledon for £2,000,000. The Forest fans would have loved him. His name is Gareth Ainsworth. Father time has caught up with him. He’s now a player coach for QPR. He does a few drills with the players.



Queen’s Park Rangers hail from the Shepherd’s Bush area of west London. It’s steeped in musical history. Members of The Who, Sex Pistols and The Clash were born in the vicinity. Former England rugby union captain Lawrence Dallaglio was born and raised in Shepherds Bush. Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty was once a programme seller for the club.

Footballers to have played for both Forest and QPR include: Nigel Quashie, Stanley Bowles, Trevor Francis and Steve Hodge. ‘If only he could pass a betting shop like he can a football’ is what they used to say about Bowles.



QPR were up at Roker Park shortly after Sunderland won the FA Cup in 1973. They did a lap of honour with the cup and left it on display on a table near the stand. Bowles bet his mate Don Givens that he could knock the cup off the table with the ball during the course of the game. He was true to his word and dented the cup to boot.

Rangers arrive at The City Ground on the back of an eight match unbeaten run. They are managed by former Benfica, Juventus and Inter Milan forward, Paulo Sousa. He was previously ‘Big Phil Scolari’s’ assistant for the Portuguese national team. He has spent wisely and has assembled a fresh, fast, young and skilful squad. A mouthwatering amount of money must go on wages.



Lee Cook, Patrick Aygemang, and Martin Rowlands are all missing today. On loan Sunderland midfielder Liam Miller is in the starting eleven. According to Roy Keane he struggles with his timekeeping.

I’m getting a bit fed up with the HMV Superstore top dog for music tunes that the DJ insists on playing. The Kooks ‘Ooh La’ is about as good as it gets. It’s my third Forest game in ten days. I’m off to St Andrews next week, and then that’s me over and out. I’ll be back to trawling the non-league scene. I do like Forest but easily get bored watching the same team week in and week out.

A friend, who I used to coach with, comes and sits next to me. We catch up on the gossip. His son plays for The Academy and is sitting in the shallow lower tier. A large group of boys pass us on the concourse. They are from Crumlin United in Northern Ireland.



Both sets of fans are in good voice; 2000 have travelled up north. QPR ‘keeper Lee Camp receives a rousing reception from the Forest faithful. What must poor old Paul Smith be thinking?

It’s not long before Rangers are asking questions of the home defence. Young Irishman Brendan Moloney blocks a stinging volley from 20 year old on loan striker Samuel Di Carmine. The balls falls to Alberti whose attempt is cleared off the line by Joe Heath.

At the other end the Rangers’ defence are not shy of a bit of rough and tumble. They leave their calling card on the Forest attack as Tyson departs with a head injury that requires 12 stitches. He shows displeasure to the referee. Forest firebrand Joe Garner complains incessantly about flying elbows and late challenges. I can’t comment, I’m at the other end.



QPR look the more likely team to score. They hit the upright, with Paul Smith waving at the ball as if it’s going wide.

The game is desperate for a goal, but is ambling towards 0-0 at the break. But it’s Forest who take the lead against the run of play. McGugan picks out a rampaging Luke Chambers on the right wing, with a diagonal ball; he’s pulled back by Brescia- born midfielder Matteo Alberti. He escapes with a yellow card. McGugan smashes the resulting penalty into the roof of the net.

Alberti makes amends moments later with the final kick of the half, stabbing home a Connolly cross after a good spell of possession.

I move seats at the break. ‘The Ribbon Maker’ has found one near him. Sticky junior sits just down the row. I hear his pitter patter of chatter throughout the second half.



Rangers are energised by the equaliser and begin the second period well. Wayne Routledge is their big cheese. He’s tormenting Joe Heath. His first touch is deft and his pace quite frightening. His game always has an end product. He creates Alberti’s second goal of the afternoon. Routledge fails to put the game to bed though, spurning a golden opportunity, by firing wide after ghosting in from the flank. He looks a steal at £600,000.

On 67 minutes Wes Morgan picks up a loose ball in midfield and threads it through to Chambers, who hits a high looping cross to the far post where Cohen out jumps the QPR defence to nod home.



Rangers are less penetrating following the loss of the excellent Di Carmine. His replacement Dexter Blackstock is less effective, and struggles to get to grips with the pace of the game. Paul Smith saves well from a Leigertwood pile driver.

A special mention goes to referee Darren Deadman, who does his best to spoil the game. Some of his decisions baffle both sets of fans. Morgan and Moloney are booked for innocuous challenges.

Forest dig in for the final quarter. Wilson and Morgan are commanding in the air. The draw is a fair result although it is QPR who have crafted and created the better chances.

Star Players: Cohen and Routledge.

Nottingham Forest 2 D***y County 3

It’s my second trip to Nottingham Forest in a week; before that, I’d not been since last August, when they entertained the Royals of Reading. My non-league readers will be ditching me in their droves, as I’m at the Queens Park Rangers game on Saturday, followed by a trip with Sticky junior, the week after, to Birmingham City’s St Andrews ground.

I don’t really want to go tonight, given a choice of Ilkeston v Eastwood or Forest v D***y, I’d take the former every time. I take one for the team; the boys are desperate to see this game, they’ve have never seen the Reds v the Rams before.

I’ve paid £44 for the tickets. White Van Man rings up and tells me to be ready for 6.30pm in The Fairway car park. Shepshed Dynamo captain Ian Screaton (Screats) is picking us up.

We troop down the pub and Screats polls up right on cue. The kids are excited and White Van Man is on top form. He runs through his normal repertoire, desperately trying not to swear as the kids are in the back. Sticky junior pipes up that he bombarded White Van Man’s van with snowballs when he saw him crawling down the road the other day. The big man roars with laughter and threatens revenge.



We talk about Shepshed’s slump in form. Screats is hurt and upset by it. Two months ago they were assured of a play-off spot; mid-table mediocrity is the best they can expect now.

We pull into The City Ground, Brian Clough Stand, car park, at just before 7pm. WVM is insulting all the gatemen and demanding a free car parking space. The banter is plentiful. He’s allocated bay 40. We literally walk a few steps to the turnstile. I’ve not parked this close to a ground since Goole AFC in December.

One or two ‘sheep’ flock to the away end. We are sitting up in the heavens. We normally take a pew in the Main Stand; not a chance tonight, we’ve done well to get a ticket.

It’s early doors and there are less than one thousand in the ground; the players aren’t even warming up yet. The boys have brought a flask of hot chocolate and some sweets with them.

Sticky’s favourite DJ is delving into his HMV selection box. He plays Living for the Weekend by Staines Indie band Hard Fi. He follows it up with Starz in Their Eyes by Just Jack. His best one of the night is Stop Me by Mark Ronson featuring the brilliant Melbourne born singer Daniel Merryweather. It’s put me in the mood for football.



The tiles on the nearby houses are covered with a sprinkling of snow. Opposite where we sit the Rushcliffe Civic Centre towers above the ageing Main Stand.

The Rams’ fans taunt the notorious ‘A’ Block. Forest’s top boys are gracing the local watering holes, oiling their larynx, so they can out sing the enemy.

One transfer caught my eye last week and disappointed me so much. The Jamaican Claude ‘Comedy’ Davis has reacquainted himself with Neil Warnock at Crystal Palace for the rest of the season. I watched him play for ‘The Sheep’ against Preston North End in the FA Cup last season. The comedy value was second to none. In moments of depression, anxiety or anger I think of that performance to bring a smile back to my face. It was side-splitting. If only he was playing tonight. Billy Davies paid the Blades £3 million pounds for his services.


D***y lies on the River Derwent and has a population of 236,000. It’s famous for Rolls Royce, Railways and Toyota. Actor Alan Bates and the engineer Richard Arkwright were born in the area.



I have my own reasons for disliking ‘The Rams.’ I saw my team Lincoln City play them twice in the old Division 2 back in 1985. We were chased to the station at the Baseball Ground and spat on and threatened at the return game at Sincil Bank, when they invaded the home end.

The overrated Paul Jewell has been removed. Nigel will steady the ship before history repeats itself and he follows in his father’s footsteps.

Jewell signed 23 year old Liam Dickinson during the summer from Stockport County. He was immediately farmed out to the Terriers of Huddersfield. He scored goals for fun. He then went to Blackpool and scored four goals in his first two starts. Only a dodgy FAX machine prevented a last minute deadline move to ‘Dirty Dirty Leeds.’ Why can’t this boy get in their first team?

Forest are a bit skinny tonight. The bench looks like the local Monty Hind Boys’ Club. Incredibly their right back, the stylish, up and coming, Brendan Moloney, is cup-tied, having turned out for Rushden and Diamonds in an earlier round, when on loan. Bennett, Moussi, Anderson and Earnshaw are injured. Joe Garner is suspended.


The pitch is perfect. D***y won’t have played on a surface as sound as this; you could run your Dyson over it.

The game is exhilarating from start to finish. Forest win a corner in the first minute and D***y are caught napping. Cohen takes it short and receives the ball back, before cutting inside. He’s unopposed and pulls the trigger, smashing an unstoppable shot into the back of the net.

Latecomers fly up the stairs from the bars and toilets; they’ve missed the goal. Derby respond with Commons curling a shot wide of Smith’s post.

Forest are rampant, the Rams can’t cope with Tyson who is playing on a different planet. He wants the ball all the time, he chases lost causes and has a heart as big as a bucket. Rams’ skipper Connolly cannot live with him. Tyson leaves him for dead and crosses for McGugan to hit a vicious volley which is well saved by Bywater.

Tyson once again exploits D***y’s right hand flank, he knocks the ball around Bywater and falls theatrically, Chris Foy points to the spot, but controversially produces only a yellow card. Tyson hits the penno like a rocket into the roof of the net. The fans including The Groundhopper are delirious. You bastards, you chased me and spat at me in 1985, 24 years of hurt, it’s been worth the wait.



The D***y flock are silenced; they no longer twirl their scarves around their heads. Forest play a ten minute spell of champagne football. They showboat, we ole, it’s pure theatre. There’s one touch, shuffles, shimmies, nutmegs and dummies: we’re loving it.

But it’s a different D***y now, the ‘young man’ is at the helm. They are not bad-mouthed, bullied or belittled like they were under the jumped-up Jewell. Commons is playing like a man possessed, he hits a thunderbolt from close range which Smith does well to react to.

D***y pull a deserved goal back on the half hour. Glaswegian winger Gary Teale is marauding down the left, he floats a ball in, Rob Hulse peels off the defender and heads home. He wheels away in celebration; they are back in the game.

We all pause for breath at the break; I’ve seen nothing like this for years, and I include the non-league. £44 looks a bargain.

D***y are different gravy in the second half. Robbie Savage plays in a more advanced position and shows his experience.



Cohen has a great chance to extend Forest’s lead but won’t use his weaker right foot. A professional footballer with one foot; I’ve seen a few of those tonight. Don’t academies encourage their pupils to use two feet?

D***y are all over Forest like a rash; Nigel wants his pound of flesh. They equalise on the hour. It’s a replica of their first goal. Teale, who was frozen out by Jewell, and has been farmed out to the northern and southern outposts of Barnsley and Plymouth, dances and jinks his way down the wing,, it’s another delicious, in swinging ball, there’s no sign of Paul Smith (Finley our pet rabbit comes out his cage more than Smith does off his line) Green, a player I saw perform in the Conference for Doncaster, heads home.

Their flock raise the roof, it’s game on. Commons is running riot. He gives a performance alien to anything I ever saw him do in a red shirt. He’s spinning, fighting, tackling, moving, shooting on- site and, battling, For a neutral like me, I am glad I have witnessed his game.. Forest have nothing to compare with his creativity.. The Forest fans are hurt because they know what they are missing.



He’s playing on adrenalin. He waltzes through four players but is denied by a block from the impressive Perch. Moments later a 20 yard shot from him canons off the upright, with Smith nowhere near it. The goal his game deserves arrives on 74 minutes. He pounces on a poor clearance from Luke Chambers and smashes the ball home, via a huge deflection. I applaud. I’m the only one. You have to admire pure genius.

Forest fight back, they don’t know when they are beaten. McCleary misses a sitter. By now Morgan has been pushed up front for nuisance value. Perch has clashed with Hulse and has been stretchered off.

The youth club has arrived. The bath has been run for Tyson, his performance has been world class, what a shame it’s not Commons threading balls through to him, rather than the ale house clearances from the back.

Morgan rampages down the Forest left and manages to cross a ball to the far post, young Northern Ireland midfielder Mark Byrne gets it all wrong, he leans back and screws his shot high and wide of the post. I feel so sorry for the boy.

The game is over. I can’t describe it. I won’t sleep tonight. I’ll play every ball.

Attendance: 29,001

Man of the Match: Kris Commons

Deeping Rangers 4 Cogenhoe United 1

I had a day with the family last Sunday and tried to put behind me that dreadful game White Van Man picked at Hucknall last Saturday. We nipped into PC World, as I’m hanging my nose over a cheap laptop. I said to the salesman give me your best pitch. He failed miserably and I walked out the shop empty handed. We had some cheap vouchers, so had a half price meal at Pizza Hut. We nipped round to the Nuclear Scientist’s to watch the Liverpool v Everton game on Setanta; it was average.



Good and bad news to report on Mrs P’s television schedule. After over 15 years of tossing it off, and making more cups of teas than arrests, ITV have announced that the axe has finally fallen on quality TV drama Heartbeat. PC Alf Ventriss will never boil a kettle again. Hip hip hooray to the BBC, though, for their excellent third series of Not Going Out written by and starring northern comedian Lee Mack. The gags are rapid fire; they even brought a smile to Mrs P’s face.

BLOG celebrity Trumpy Bolton has been pencilled in for the trip to Market Deeping for over a month now. I’ve already arranged to pick him up from his girlfriend’s house in Cosby, Leicestershire. He’s tipped me off that he won’t be a picture of health, as he was on a nine hour bender yesterday. It was someone’s 21st birthday party. It was staged at Leicester City’s Walkers Stadium, at one of the banqueting suites. Apparently it was ‘The Foxes’ biggest crowd of the season.



Mrs P has gone shopping with her mum in Loughborough. I ask her kindly if she can bring the Rolls Royce back for midday. I do a few chores around the house and take Mrs P’s empties up the bottle bank. Trumpy phones up. I wish he’d text as he would make more sense, even if the letters were jumbled up.

The Architect arrives and we head across to Leicester. Stoke are playing Man City at the Britannia Stadium; it’s on 5 Live.



We soon arrive in Cosby and have arranged to pick Trumpy up, surprisingly, at a pub; it’s called The Bulls Head. He comes stumbling out the door, almost falling down the steps. He‘s carrying a white plastic bag. He has a bottle of cider inside it. It’s only 1pm and he already confesses to having downed two tins at home and a couple of pints in the pub. The white plastic bag might come in handy at this rate as a sick bag.

There’s a bit of a commotion on the radio, long-throw specialist Rory Delap has been red-carded. The Potters have took the lead though James Beattie. Mark Hughes will be under scrutiny again in tomorrow’s Sunday papers.



We eventually pull up in Market Deeping and park in the picturesque square. Trumpy’s got his eye on The Bull. His ambition in life is to make a credit card transaction in every village in England; they don’t do credit. The Architect is a relieved man as this establishment had a few unsavoury characters in the bar area.

We stroll around the corner to the delightful Old Coach House; we are made to feel welcome. We watch the dying moments of Man City’s latest disaster. Trumpy stares into space and not into his pint. His day worsens when he gets the hiccups I gate my Kronenburg 1664.



The Factory Manager knows his way to the ground and leads the way. It’s about a mile away on the outskirts of the town. He’s an old school friend and lives in Whittlesey. His step son plays for Deeping Rangers Reserves.

Market Deeping is an historic town in Lincolnshire and lies on the banks of the River Welland. It has a population of over 6000 people.

Deeping Rangers were formed in 1964 and have played at Outgang Road since 1985. They currently top the Eagles Bitter United Counties Premier League. They were winning at a canter but have stuttered of late as the chasing pack close in. Recently released Leeds United striker Malcolm Christie once played for the club before moving onto Nuneaton, D***y County and Middlesboro.



Today’s visitors Cogenhoe are from Northamptonshire (pronounced Cook-no). Former Blue Peter presenter Peter Purves once lived in the village. Graham Taylor’s yes man, ex-Liverpool defender Phil Neal, was once president of the club. Watford’s Darren Bazeley is among a number of former youth team players who have made a living from the game.

The car park is a mass of mud and water. It has rained heavily in the earlier part of the week. It’s £4 entry (cheers Trumpy) and £1 for a decent programme (Cheers Architect).



Deeping Rangers FC is part of a complex which has a cricket ground and tennis courts. A young lad is being coached and catches Trumpy’s eye. Trumpy was a fine player in his day, sadly he called time on his career over 30 years ago. His tennis playing days met a premature end when the club unveiled its new licensed bar. He tries to roll back the years and coach the young lad; the coach is not amused.

Trumpy has a long blue coat on. It has a Leicester emblem on it. A lady selling raffle tickets asks him if he is a scout.



Someone shouts the teas up as The Factory Manager and The Groundhopper survey the surroundings. The ground is impressive and is bordered with ten foot conifers.

Trumpy has gone AWOL as Cogenhoe kick-off proceedings. They are awarded a penalty in the first minute, when their forward is upended. The goalkeeper is sent the wrong way. Trumpy comes waltzing out the Refreshment Bar and appears unfazed he’s missed an early goal. He walks past the home ‘keeper and chants: “you’re not singing anymore.” The goalie is pissing himself.



Cogenhoe string a few passes together. Their centre forwards have flicks, tricks and pace.

We stand next to the away dugout. Trumpy is hanging now and has already introduced himself to the Cogenhoe management team. He’s took a particular liking to coach Ian Blair, who appears as eccentric as Trumpy.

The standard of play on show is not as great as Glossop North End, Bridlington Town or Dinnington Town, who all play at Step 5. It is on a level to Stewarts & Lloyds, who I saw a few weeks ago, perform poorly at Glossop.



Cogenhoe are cruelly denied a second goal with a clearance off the line. But Rangers are beginning to find their feet and are peppering the visitors’ goal. Most of their shots are aimed straight at the ‘keeper. Trumpy smells danger and instructs ‘The Cooks’ substitutes to warm-up.

Belfast born former Posh and Imps winger Ryan Semple is on the wing for Rangers today. His pace and technique are beginning to bother ‘The Cooks.’ His crosses are searching and meaningful.



We all potter round to the Deeping Sports & Social Club. It’s all very lah- de- dah. They have a proper steward on duty in a blazer and tie. It’s the first time in a while that I’ve seen real ale for sale. I’m driving though, so settle for a half a lager.

Lincoln, Forest and Notts County are all losing. Trumpy has made a slight recovery and is tucking into a JHB Bitter from Oakham. Signed shirts by Malcolm Christie hang in frames on the wall.

We leave Trumpy in the bar and go and ask the lady for the raffle numbers. Trumpy has missed out by one strip of tickets. It’s a huge relief as the first prize is bound to alcohol.



Deeping continue to press the game. Coegenhoe play too deep and too narrow. They’ve lost their spark and energy and look vulnerable. With 25 minutes remaining Rangers are back on level terms with Ashley Stevens lashing the ball home. The DJ plays That’s The Way I Like It by KC and the Sunshine Band. Dave Cornell puts the home side ahead on 79 minutes following a cross from Semple who is now running the show. This time we are treated to the Austrian born DJ Otzi.

The game is all over 81 minutes with Ashley Stevens scoring his second of the afternoon from the penalty spot: Cue Tom Hark from Brighton band The Piranhas.



Trumpy has rejoined us by now. He’s trudged his way round the ground and barged his way through the technical area. He’s been telling the stony-faced Cogenhoe manager Darren Collins how he’s got his tactics wrong. He wrestles with Ian Blair over the number cards for the substitutions. Blair lets him hold up the numbers.

Ryan Semple sends in an inch perfect cross at the death, it’s teed up for giant striker Sam Bettinson to head home.

The match has been excellent and both teams have played their part but there can only be one man of the match.

Attendance: unknown

Man of the Match: ‘There’s only one Trumpy Bolton.’

Nottingham Forest 2 Sheffield Wednesday 1

Grassroots football looks like taking a backseat over the next few weeks as I go against my principles of watching modern football. Tonight I enjoy a fringe benefit. A week on Saturday is ‘Kids for a Quid’ versus QPR, so I will take those pair of muppets down The City Ground. On Valentine’s Day it’s Birmingham City away – Mrs P’s not coming, although I did dangle the carrot of the Bullring Shopping Centre - but Sticky junior is. There’s the Derby FA Cup clash a week on Wednesday; I’ve got us three tickets, I’m not that bothered myself, and hope to offload my ticket to ‘The Architect.

Sticky junior is a massive Tricky Tree fan but he was caught red-handed by the television cameras on Saturday, celebrating Notts County’s first goal, by jumping up and down in front of all, sundry and the BBC. He reminds me of when I was a kid; he loves to watch both Nottingham clubs just for the craic, sadly I am now bitter and twisted, having once worked for ‘The Pies’ and won’t pay at the gate again!



I fly home from work and manage two or three games of cribbage with ‘The Skipper’, before bolting down a pasty and getting ready for the game.

The Architect picks me up at 6.40pm. USA mainstream band REM’s music is droning out the car speakers on Radio Nottingham. We pull up at West Bridgford Library and are sat in our seats in the Main Stand Block E, a full half an hour before kick-off.

Forest play Bolton Wanderers in the FA Youth Cup 5th Round tomorrow evening but I’ve yet to negotiate terms with Mrs P for another night out: it’s looking like Kirsty and Phil and a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

My favourite DJ is towing the line tonight and sticking to his selection from the HMV Superstore. He plays tunes from Leigh band the Tin Tings and Leeds indie group the Kaiser Chiefs.



We have a snigger at the Forest goalie coach warming-up Paul Smith. He’s struggling with his kicking and ends up on the greasy surface twice, when losing his footing.

Sheffield is in South Yorkshire and has a population of over 500,000 people. It is the fifth largest city in England. The River Sheaf flows through its city centre. Sheffield has an impressive history of producing iron, steel and coal.

Unibond Division One South club Sheffield FC lay claim to be the oldest football club in the world. Nearby Hallam FC, who play in the Northern Counties League, play at the world’s oldest football ground.

The films The Full Monty and When Saturday Comes were based in the city. The World Snooker Championships take place at the Crucible Theatre every May.

It has had a strong influence on the British music industry. Well known bands from the area include: Human League, Heaven 17, ABC, Def Leopard, Pulp and the Arctic Monkeys.



Famous people born in the city of Sheffield, and I apologise as there are so many I have missed: Gordon Banks, Naseem Hamed, Peter Stringfellow, David Blunkett, Sean Bean (sorry Owls’ fans) and Michael Palin.

I had my saddest ever day in football at Hillsborough on April 15th 1989; it killed my enthusiasm for the game for years, and increased my disdain and disrespect for the police. Chief Superintendant David Duckenfield continues to enjoy his early retirement. The truth will never out; it’s just brushed under the carpet. The Nottingham Forest fans were a credit to their club and the game of football that day, the same cannot be said of the South Yorkshire Police Force. We all just went to watch a game of football!

Former Reds and Owls’ striker Nigel Jemson is guest of honour tonight. Other players to have graced both teams include: Gary Megson, Viv Anderson, Des Walker, Trevor Francis, John Sheridan, Danny Wilson and the stylish Chris Bart-Williams.

The atmosphere is spot on. The turnout from Wednesday on a Tuesday night, during the economic downturn, is exceptional. Yes, it’s not far to travel but I bet they’ve shelled some money out at the turnstiles.



Both sets of fans trade insults: ‘scabs scabs scabs’, shout ‘The Owls’ fans ‘A’ Block retort with ‘you’ll never work again.’ It’s a harsh and unwarranted statement as steel company Corus have just announced heavy job losses in South Yorkshire.

Forest stutter and splutter from the start. They look short on confidence, everything appears rushed. Tonight they are without Bennett, Anderson, Morgan, Moussi and Cohen. The bench is young and inexperienced.

It’s Wednesday who make the brighter opening. Their passes are crisp and hug the ground, their movement is mesmeric. Jamaican international Jermaine Johnson is fleet of foot and running the Forest defence ragged. He’s as slippery as an eel and appears on both sides of the pitch. The Owls paid ‘The Bantams’ of Bradford £500,000 for his services; he’s like an El Hadj Diouf without the spitting and snarling.



Wednesday take a deserved lead on 27 minutes, and to be honest it’s been coming. Potter’s corner is headed down by Wood for Johnson to finish smartly from close range.

Nottingham Forest winger Gareth McCleary is constantly coached by Davies, ‘Ned’ Kelly and Julian Darby. Nothing is going right for him, his touch is poor, as is his decision making. He swaps flanks with another player low on confidence, winger Arron Davies.

Forest keeper’ Paul Smith makes a poor throw to former Manchester United Academy youngster Joe Heath. Heath gets himself out of a tight area, the ball falls to McCleary in space, he soars up the field eating up the ground and releases a defence splitting ball through to Tyson, who leaves the defence for dead, with his blistering pace, to smash the ball past a despairing Wednesday ‘keeper Lee Grant. It’s a quality goal that’s not in keeping with the game.



The Owls are reduced to ten men on 40 minutes following a reckless challenge on young Heath by Francis Jeffers. The tackle is out of character, but is malicious. It could make the game unbalanced.

Referee Scott Mathieson blows the half-time whistle. The game thus far has been dull and dreary, despite two goals. I hope Brian Laws isn’t hurling plates of chicken bones about the dressing room.

I get a text from Barthez at the break; we arrange to meet in the Monkey Tree after the game for a few shandies.

Forest begin the game as badly in the second period as they did in the first half. Breckin gives away a needless free-kick with a ridiculous tackle in full view of ‘A’ Block. Michael Gray whips in a dangerous ball, Smith is rooted to his line, somehow Tudgay contrives to head over with the goal at his mercy.




Brian Laws is positive, like he was as a player, and shoves two up top. The injured Earnshaw is replaced by Joe Garner, who looks like a boy they’ve picked up from the local rec. His hair is cropped and his shirt hangs out his shorts, but he has fire in his belly.

Matt Thornhill comes on for the ineffective Davies and plays in an advanced midfield position, allowing Perch to sit in front of the back four. Thornhill is magnificent and never wastes a ball.

Tyson and 19 year old Owls’ defender Mark Beevers are having a terrific tussle, but this is a new Tyson we are seeing: he is braver and stronger than before and is lightning quick.

With 15 minutes to go Forest win a corner, McGugan curls the ball in for Chambers to head home.

There are further chances for Tyson and Garner as the ten men of Wednesday begin to tire. Jermaine Johnson has been long gone; they’ve not posed the same threat since his departure, the boy has run himself into the ground. Wednesday are worth a point, but come away with nothing after an entertaining second half.

Attendance: 22,618 (3587 Owls)

Man of the Match: Tyson