I take a left-hand turn off the A46 southbound carriageway and park up adjacent to a village green, It's over 25 years since I last visited the Royal Oak at Car Colston. It was after a Sunday pub league game of football on that very green. I sink my first pint of the day as Bolton ups the gears. I'm surprised to hear that the landlord has been here for over 16 years. The bar is cosy and the restaurant is doing a roaring trade. It's definitely one for the notebook and is also a Good Beer Guide entry.
I spend Sunday lunchtime holed up for a couple of hours in Lillie Langtry's on Nottingham's South Sherwood St, opposite the Royal Concert Hall and Theatre Royal. Summer Lightning from Wiltshire's Hopback Brewery is on at £2.50 per pint. I dip my bread folks, before knocking up a blog that's well-received in Gainsborough and Stalybridge.
I've proper got the face on at work on Monday. It's post-holiday blues readers. The weather is pretty darn awful too. Football looks like being wiped out for the week. Carlton Town are due to play Gedling Miners' Welfare at Basford United in the Notts Senior League, but Sticky Palms doesn't do 3G, and in particular that one.
I listen to Atletico Madrid versus Liverpool on the radio in the bath on Tuesday evening and the following night politely ask Ms Moon if she can sack off Love Island for Spurs v Lokomotive Leipzig. I 'accidentally' downloaded the Love Island app a few summers ago and even took part in the voting. I'm ashamed and apologetic about this. The Germans are good value for their 1-0 victory with Chelsea on-loan defender/midfielder Ethan Ampadu outstanding. That big baby Jose Mourinho fronts up for the cameras, post-match, with a face like a slapped arse.
The weekend can't come quick enough. I've had a shocker at work and the weather is getting me down. I'm offered a couple of tickets at The City Ground for NFFC v QPR and have the option of Lincoln City v Gillingham at a flooded Sincil Bank. The third option is of more interest and closer to the heart too.
Keyworth United Ressies are playing Nottingham FC in the Nottinghamshire County FA County Trophy semi-finals. I lived in Keyworth for 45 years and have coached at the club for a number of teams. The question is whether the pitch will hold up after the incessant rain of late.
No alcohol has passed my lips since last Sunday. I keep up my recent good form by offering to drive on Friday evening. Ms Moon asks if I'm off colour. The lovely Maxine at work has invited Ms Moon and me to her 50th birthday party at Stadium Leisure in inner-city Basford, close to Vernon Park, where I spent many weekends scouting for the Pies.
We park the car in a dodgy area and jaywalk across a busy Nottingham Road taking our lives into our hands. I manage to see out two hours sipping on a couple of bottles of J2O's (mango and orange if you're asking). There's a cracking turnout from Ideagen PLC. I'm not surprised as Maxine is a popular lass who greets one and all with a flashing smile on arrival in Reception at work.
I'm woken at the crack of dawn with rain pouring from a leaking drainpipe onto a wheelie bin. Next door had a moan about it the other week - I wouldn't mind but they only moved in the other chuffing week, the cheeky blighters.
We both laze around in the morning playing our favourite tunes on YouTube. Ms Moon gets all teary-eyed at a James Blunt track, whilst I pogo to The Stranglers. I've been in conversation with KUFC chairman Chris Thompson and Our Joe, in the last 24 hours, regarding the prospects of the game taking place. Fixtures are falling left, right and centre as I browse legendary Notts groundhopper Malcolm Storer's excellent On the Road twitter updates.
Confirmation of 'Game On' comes from an unlikely source. Stanton-on-the-Wolds Golf Club Manager, Paul Keeling, one of my closest friends, texts me to say he's heard on a what's app golf group that the match is to take place. I arrange to meet him at the home of football shortly before kick-off. 'Golf is a good walk spoiled' said Mark Twain.
I drive down Carlton Road and swing by the 'King Billy' before sweeping left off Meadow Lane onto Lady Bay Bridge. Five Live are over at Sheffield United's Bramall Lane. The presenter Mark Chapman is teasing an out of breath commentator Ian Dennis, who has had to peg it up a few flights of stairs to the commentary box.
Dennis tells an extraordinary tale from earlier in the day. He's just interviewed Blades manager Chris Wilder who has confessed that to cope with the stress and strain of a home game that he likes to jog from his house to the ground on a matchday. He got stopped en route to the ground by a club volunteer who completely oblivious to who he was talking to, asked Wilder, dressed up in club gear, if he would answer a few questions for a survey of a matchday experience of a Sheff Utd supporter. He answered all the questions before continuing on his run. The volunteer had no idea it was Chris Wilder ... lol.
I roll into Platt Lane car park 45 minutes shy of kick-off. I get wrapped up and take a stroll around the perimeter of the ground. A very young Nottingham FC side are laughing and joking during the warm-up. They arrive in Keyworth on the back of six-match unbeaten run, with confidence soaring high.
I wander along the side of the train track that groundhoppers (glorified trainspotters) get excited about when the occasional Virgin test train speeds by. The award-winning Perkins Bar and Bistro is the other side of the fence. The junior pitches at the bottom of the slope are under water, but the four main pitches seem playable underfoot.
I peg it up to the top of the hill and walk towards the cricket square. Miller Homes are building new houses on a plot called Spinners Croft - it can only be good news for both the Football and Cricket clubs that families will be moving in soon. A new 4G playing surface is on the horizon; I'm going to have to grin and bear it, as Sticky doesn't do 4G. It's the community that is going to benefit and not one greedy owner.
I say hello to Keyworth manager Steve Cullis and wish him good luck. Steve's a great lad who helped me out last year with the Development side I ran. Scott 'Tank' Litchfield is giving him a hand with some of the drills. The lads look 'on it' and I know they will win.
You have to know Platt Lane to win a game. Keyworth kick down the slope after winning the toss. First rule of thumb at 'The Lane' is to kick down the hill in blustery conditions as a game can be won in the first 45 minutes.
Both teams appear nervous and jittery with chances going begging at both ends. I stand with Keebo and the Big Man (Bish) opposite the 18-yard box that Nottingham FC attack. Keyworth 10 jacket, Tom Siswick, the best striker and finisher I've ever seen at junior level, is in a rich vein of form of late. He puts the Green Army 1-0 up on 16 minutes to settle his team's nerves.
The visitors are rattled and aren't used to losing. They start to run off at the mouth and lose their cool. It's a shame as they've played some good football and look to have a goal in them. The referee handles the occasion brilliantly with a flurry of yellow cards. One imbecile runs 70 yards to protest with the man in black - he's sent to the sin bin.
Keyworth play some champagne football and go for the jugular with their opponents a man down for ten minutes. Samuel Lund is the standout player. I brought Sam to the Club back in 2012. He told me he was a 'keeper. I said to him that I'd already got a goalie and asked him if he was good at anything else. "Well I do cross country running" he replied. "Excellent, you can play centre-midfield then."
I burst with pride at his lung-bursting runs, intelligent play and the heart the size of a bucket. He ghosts past three players before tormenting and teasing the full-back. He pirouettes on the ball inviting the defender like a matador does to a bull. Finally bored he delivers the ball into the danger area, Conor Pauley does the rest, punishing a team with a player sat in the sin bin.
The biting wind sees us retreat to the clubhouse for a warm. Bish slopes off to watch the Emmerdale Farm omnibus edition. I catch up with Ian 'Fod' Siswick Louise Dixon and Celtic fan David Reilly who also coached some of these boys when they were younger. I bag an excellent programme produced by Chris's lad, Jamie Thompson, which is bound to bring a smile to the face of NSL committee member and well-known groundhopper, Rob Hornby, who I've caught up with today with his lad Shawn. Get well soon Rob!
I catch the eye of Steve Cullis and say that I expect the visitors will shoot themselves in the foot and probably see the red mist and a red card. It happens sooner rather than later. 5 jacket, dizzy from being twisted and turned by 'Sizzers' falls over and cradles the ball in his arm. The referee has no choice but to wave a yellow card and produce a red one from his back pocket. No.5 is sent to the dressing room but not before a verbal volley at the ref. He boots an advertising hoarding in anger; he's kicked fresh air and blown hot air for most of the afternoon. The resulting spot-kick, taken by Pauley, is telegraphed and weakly hit, the 'keeper makes a smart save though.
'The Keyworth Georgie Best' (my eldest lad) has got the face on as he hasn't make the starting XI. At least it shows he cares for a club he's represented since the age of 6 years old. He's not one of these glory hunters and mercenaries that go from club to club pot-hunting before doing a disappearing act. He's been warming up for a while (and I don't mean smoking a Mayfair tab or sinking a can of Carling Black Label). He's let off his leash with 15 minutes remaining, replacing Siswick who has played his heart out and ran himself into the ground.
The 'KGB' gets on the ball and ruffles one or two feathers. His feet are made of magic dust and are the fast on the ball. He bamboozles a couple of defenders before winning a corner. Lund sends in another pinpoint dead ball, Pauley leaps like a salmon and sends a looping header high into the net to put the lads into their first final in over a decade.
There are great scenes as the lads pile onto one another. Our Joe has played at CDM. His performance is mature and his game is simple. Two touches and the ball is away. He has a telepathic understanding with Tom Siswick; playing him in countless times
Frame and Stolworthy at the heart of the defence have been like nightclub doorman - thou shalt not pass. They'll be on the doors at the village pub called The Pear Tree later in the evening. The Green Army bring on 'The Terminator' (Harry Stolworthy) as Cullis looks to run the clock down.
There are a few unsavoury scenes when the final whistle is blown. The referee's performance is only bettered by Sam Lund. A visiting spectator leaps over the barrier and runs onto the pitch. He confronts a few Keyworth players who just laugh at the moron. The two sides are separated. I'm saddened to hear later that the opposition 'declined' the offer of post-match hospitality. I did like it when I heard their manager shout above the 'handbags' "come away lads, we've been beaten fair and square." Well said, Sir.
Congratulations to Steve Cullis and the lads. I just hope those clowns at the Notts FA see common sense and play the final on grass and not at Basford United or Eastwood Town's artificial surface in 80 degrees of mad dogs and Englishmen midday sunshine, in May, like they did last season. But I won't hold my breath.
Man of the Match: Sam Lund
Attendance: 74 on a bitterly cold day
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