I had pitched to Ms Moon about a day out next Saturday in Stourport-on-Severn, a town in the Wyre Forest District of North Worcestershire. A spot of lunch in the small riverside town of Bewdley, followed by some Midland Premier League action between Stourport Swifts and Coventry United should be just the job.
I check the five day BBC weather app with trepidation and dread. A monsoon of biblical proportions is forecast on Friday; the River Severn will probably burst its banks. The good lady isn't too chuffed with the alternative: Ilkeston Town v Cleethorpes Town. I put my sales training to good use and close the deal.
I spend Tuesday evening with The Taxman, fresh from his holidays in Lanzarote and Cornwall. A frugal Taxman always has his eyes out for a bargain. We have tea at Gamston Lock, a few miles outside Nottingham. Chicken Rotisserie is a Tuesday special at £6 per portion. He washes it down with a filthy pint of maids' water (lager) - leaving enough room for a jam roly-poly.
After tea, we head down the A453, driving into north-west Leicestershire towards the town of Coalville. It's £10 on the gate unless you're a pensioner like The Taxman. Hednesford Town are tonight's visitors in a Southern Premier League clash. I bump into an old mate of mine, Matt Gatter, who's with his Dad, Tony and another chap called Stuart, accompanied by his son Cameron, who I used to coach at Keyworth Cricket Club (before you ask, no I didn't teach him how to bat, thank God).
Matt's lad, Charlie, is one of 'Our Joe's' best mates. He previously played at Nottingham Forest and Burton Albion. He now turns out for Hednesford. Ironically, a lad I know called Tim Berridge, plays for Coalville, as does a boy called Luke Shaw, from Clifton, who played with the 'Keyworth Georgie Best' (Sticky jnr) at Keyworth United.
Coalville are coasting at 2-0 up; the second goal is scored by a proper old school, powerhouse centre-half called Jack Duggan, who recently signed from Stourbridge. Foolishly, a Coalville player is sent off for a reckless tackle. The Pitmen nick a goal back and can consider themselves unlucky not to have gone home to Staffordshire with a point after a barnstorming final 15 minutes.
Any chance of a game on Wednesday is washed away by a month's worth of rain. On Friday I'm on a leaving do for a lady called Michelle who is leaving Ideagen PLC, a technology company who I work for. It must be one hell of a job offer she has accepted, as my employer is head and shoulders the best company I've ever worked for.
A Leaving do lunch is held at the Rancliffe Arms in the village of Bunny; a pub whose landlord in the 1970s was Alan Hill, Brian Clough's chief scout at The City Ground. There's been police kicking about the place for most of the morning as the petrol station adjacent to the pub has been the victim of a smash and grab in the early hours. You can still get petrol, but rule out any chance of 20 John Player Blue. I'm totally stuffed on Friday afternoon after ploughing my way through a Cajun chicken club sandwich and some delicious homemade Mars Bar cakes, baked by my colleague Emma, as a parting gift for Michelle.
I break the speed limit up Carlton Hill on Friday teatime, reaching the giddy heights of 31mph. I jump in a cab and head back into town. I hook up with my old boss Lee and a workmate Josh, who plays footy for Awsworth Villa in the Notts Senior League. We chew the cud over a pint in the Barley Twist (an old sweet shop) on Carrington Street, before ticking off Cured a few doors up.
It's hosing it down with rain. Josh kindly books an Uber taxi up to The Embankment, one of Sticky's favourite watering holes. We enjoy great banter and plenty of alcoholic beverages as we toast Michelle farewell. I'm the oldest person on the works' do by a country mile. The young 'uns invite me into town for a few more scoops. What the chuff am I doing in Lloyds No.1 Bar on Carlton Street? At one stage I thought I was going to be refused entry and ID'd for being too old. The music and drinks are below par. It was that bad I was going to ask the DJ for a Sam Smith song. I say goodnight and hold up the 25B Mapperley NCT bus on King Street whilst I download the ticket on the app - I apologise to all and sundry as I stumble into my seat.
I gingerly trudge down the stairs in the morning. Ms Moon makes an extra-strong coffee. I head into West Bridgford, crossing over Trent Bridge. The big news from Nottinghamshire County Cricket Club is that all-rounder Samit Patel has gone on a four-day cricket month's loan to Glamorgan. Reaction on social media is ugly. Colwick's anti-BREXIT campaign manager, Jitz Jani, a huge Notts fan, makes his feelings known and is clearly distraught.
I hand over some football kit to Our Joe who is making his League debut for Keyworth Utd Ressies today at the World famous Clifton All Whites, a club he was also proud to represent, and where my good friend James 'Tosh' Turner is the first team manager.
I've lined up a treat for Ms Moon; a re-visit to the Spanish Bar in Ilson. We make the short trip whilst we listen to 1983 on Gambaccini's Pick of the Pops - Depeche Mode are on the dukey. KC and the Sunshine Band are No.1 with Give it Up - Ms Moon says she gets them mixed up with The Kinks (answers on a postcard please).
The Spanish Bar is a beauty. I'm so excited that Ms Moon stops the car so I can peruse the beer menu whilst 'Penelope Pitstop' parks up the 'Rolls Royce.' I have a pint of The Big Kahuna from the Tiny Rebel stable. A pro-BREXIT supporter, resplendent in a T-Shirt, points us in the direction of the back garden. I ask Ms Moon if we are in Mansfield? The floral display in the back yard is mouth-watering. The owners take great pride. I'd drink here every night if I was a resident of the town.
Ilkeston is a town in the Borough of Erewash in Derbyshire, and Sticky Palms loves the place. It has a population of just under 40,000. Its traditional industries were coal mining, iron working and lace making. Ilkeston Market Place is the site of a Charter fair which has taken place in the town for over 760 years - making it older than Nottingham's Goose Fair. Famous residents from Ilson include: the actors William Roache (Ken Barlow) and Robert Smith (Wolfie Smith).
It's £7 on the gate at the New Manor Ground. We buy a couple of 50/50 tickets. I adore the ground and admire the loyal supporters who have rocked up through thick and thin. Through my 13 years of groundhopping there always seems to be a black cloud hanging over the Club.
Ilson owner Alan Hardy (of Notts County fame) has a scattergun hiring and firing managerial recruitment policy. Despite promotion last season, Lee 'Fats' Fowler has parted company with the Robins, along with his backroom staff. Walsall Wood rolled them over 4-0 on my last visit back in April, as Ilson limped over the finishing line.
The game kicks off after we suffer Rag'n' Boneman and George Ezra on the decks. It's as dull as dishwater as they eye one another up. Ms Moon and I love the Owls of Cleethorpes; we've watched them lots of times over the years and rate match-winner 'Jon Boy' Oglesby who for some strange reason is playing left-back today.
The first half would send Ken Barlow to a 45-minute catnap in the Rovers Return snug. Ilson show too much respect to Cleethorpes who are fancied for promotion - I guess with six new signings they just want to stay in the game.
Ross Durrant is in the nets for Ilson. Boy oh boy, how lucky are they to have a 'keeper of his stature as their custodian. He keeps them in the game with some show-stopping blocks. A lacklustre Jordan Nadat is withdrawn as Ilson make a triple substitution. It brings energy and ideas as they pepper Cleethorpes' goal with chances from corners and set pieces.
The mastermind behind it all is the fleet-footed ex Notts County scholar Reco Fyfe. I love his risktaking and fast feet - £7 to watch his balance, dead ball corners and passing is a steal. Ilson will feel hard done by after a superb final 20 minutes. But on reflection, a draw is a fair result.
Attendance: 602
Man of the Match: Reece Fyfe
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